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My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year and a half. We used to have sex all the time, but within the last couple of months its dwindled down to maybe once a week if I'm lucky. Sometimes he'll want to but I won't. I do it anyway because I enjoy being close to him & making him happy. But if I want to & he doesn't, he gets mad. He tells me its unattractive when i throw myself at him, but I don't know what else to do! I cant just sit around and say nothing. I try to turn him on & he just turns me down. Its a real downer on my self esteem. When I try to talk to him about why this is happening to us he kind of pins the blame on me or wont talk about it. I do love him & I know sex isn't everything, but I've heard the first thing to go in a relationship sex. I just don't know how to approach this. Is it my fault?
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Guc23,
Welcome to EmpowHER!
Unfortunately, this seems to be a common problem in relationships. I want to first start by saying that it is not your fault. You said it yourself, these things happen in relationships.
It is not okay for him to be calling you unattractive, especially if it is just to hurt you to make you leave him alone. However, could you be a little more sensitive to his feelings as well? Throwing yourself at him probably isn't the best method. In my experience, people are a little more likely to want want isn't so easy to get!
Although it sounds like he isn't receptive to talking about it, perhaps it is time to really sit him down and express the seriousness of the situation. Try to find out why he is much more uninterested and untangle the problem together. Express how much it hurts you not only physically, but emotionally as well. Maybe you can get to the bottom of it, or open up possibilities for change.
You expressed that you knew that sex isn't everything in a relationship. However, communication is one thing that is key!
Best of luck,
February 3, 2012 - 2:00pmDanielle.
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