Why wont he have sex with me?

By sunflower88 August 23, 2011 - 9:37pm

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My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 1 year. I cant say that the relationship has been fabulous in the sex department really ever, we started out having sex almost everyday in the first couple of weeks ( after dating for about 3 months) of our relationship but passion nor kissing never really happened. Now we have sex maybe once a month if that. we have kissed about 5 times in our entire relationship!BUT... here is the thing i know how much he cares about me he shows it in other ways, his family and friends could definitely validate that. we do everything together spend every night together, im included in all his activities, we run every morning do homework together, and tell each other almost everything.I really dont think he has cheated on me but i cant figure out why this is happening, i feel like in his past relationships he was sexually driven and mutual friends could also validate that. i did go though a phase were i gained a little bit of weight but since then have lost weight and am actually smaller then i was when we first starting dating. He is everything i was in a guy EXCEPT for the lack of passion and sexual desire which is big enough for me to seek out other options. i am a very affectionate person and need affection in my life. YES i have talked to him about it, he says its nothing he has no problems with having sex with me, hes definitely not stressed about anything he lives the good life, and stays healthy along with annual check ups.

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sunflower88

Hi rosa,

i read that thread and unfortunately it does not help. hes heathy, gets check ups, isnt stressed about anything, and i dont see how it could be possible to be cheating on me being that we spend almost every moment together. so these other concerns do not pertain to my problem. but thank you

sunflower 88

August 24, 2011 - 6:28pm

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Rosa Cabrera RN (reply to sunflower88)

Sunflower,

You mention that he has never been one to give much affection and that you've only kissed a handful of times in your relationship-- the problem may have been exposed since the beginning. Some men are just more loving and affectionate than others. This can have a lot to do with the inability to express their love due to an event or series of events in their lives.

Is he happy in your relationship? If he doesn't see this to be an issue and you do then I am sorry to tell you that it will not be getting any better in the future. You can both consider going to a couples therapist (if he's willing to meet you halfway) and work on your sex life from there. If you're willing to accept a less than desired sex life and he is willing to give more to satisfy you then it can still work-- however, if you can't seem to find a happy medium or if he isn't willing to give a little then you may want to reconsider if this is the man you want to spend your life with.

Good Luck,

Rosa

August 25, 2011 - 7:24am

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sunflower88 (reply to Rosa Cabrera RN)

Hey Rosa, Thank you for you advise! I actually ended the relationship a few days ago. I have come to realize that i just need more then he knows how or is willing to give. hopefully we can be friends one day i still think hes a great person but he was bringing me down on multiple levels not just rejecting me in the sex department. I also believe the issue comes from a young age and not getting affection when he was younger. one of the last things he told me is that he has never once told his own mother that he loves her, and i know how much he loves her :(. very sad hopefully he learns how to love.

September 5, 2011 - 8:26pm

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Rosa Cabrera RN (reply to sunflower88)

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out. But you know what is best for you and your happiness is ultimately all that matters.

It's incredibly sad that he has never told his own mother how much he loves her-- as a mother, I have to wonder what happened to him that he has such a hard time showing affection. I wish you and him both the best.

You will find happiness,

Rosa

September 6, 2011 - 9:12am