So you are walking into your building and a man is 20 feet ahead of you. He doesn't hold the door for the guy going in right after him, but he does for you.
A feel-good feeling or can you manage that door by yourself?
I like chivalry. If someone wants to hold a door for me, I say knock yourself out and thank you!
I hold doors for anyone. But should a man feel he has to do those 'old-fashioned' things for a woman? Why? She can handle a door, she can handle anything.
True.
But isn't chivalry just plain old nice? Isn't it nice for your partner or husband to open your car door for you, to hold your chair out and pick the heavier suitcase to carry?
Is this chivalry or is it just good manners? These days, shouldn't we all want to bring back manners?
I'm not a person who needs to flaunt her independence, strength and intelligence and blah blah blah. Don't need to prove a thing. And I like my door being opened for me. That doesn't make me needy or weak, it makes me feel pretty powerful, actually, that my strappingly tall man is more than happy to do it for me.
So I say long live those great men who gladly give a chivalrous hand to their woman! Chivalry is not dead and if it's getting there, I say call the EMT's and revive it!
What about you? No need for it? Unnecessary in these days of equality? Or do you appreciate the impromptu gesture of your partner, or the stranger you meet at that door to your building?
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I appreciate it when a guy holds a door for me but am not offended if he doesn't.
A few weeks back, a guy in the grocery store line saw that I had three items to his cart full of goodies and insisted I go ahead of him. Nice. And I've noticed men will generally defer to women to allow them to change lanes in traffic, cross the street, etc.
Amid reports of death and destruction in the media, these small gestures renew my faith in humanity. Well, at least a little.
May 1, 2008 - 9:33amThis Comment
Standing in line at the checkout counter, some years back, the woman ahead of me yelled something very rude at the teenage cashier who had called her "ma'am." The woman had taken offense at what she obviously hadn't realized was a show of politeness where we live.
I think it was Helen Mirren who had a line in a movie, I forgot which, in which she says, "Don't call me 'ma'am,' I'm not the bloody Queen!"
Well, I don't mind being called ma'am by the kid at the cash register, or the door being held open for me by the elderly stranger, or my chair being held by my hubby or the maitre d'. I was raised to believe that a lady should act like one and I see no reason why ladylike behavior should be dropped under the auspices of being "strong." If more women behaved like ladies and taught their daughters the same, perhaps we wouldn't have such rudeness running rampant among our young people; and, perhaps, our young men would take notice and shape up, as well. I can proudly say my sons are gentlemen.
Ladylike does not equate to weakness.
April 30, 2008 - 7:25pmThis Comment
I enjoy having the door or my chair held for me, too. In our Western society, it's nice to know that social graces aren't extinct. In certain Eastern societies, regardless how protective of their women, men couldn't care less if your arms are fully laden and you're having trouble negotiating the door, they'll still walk right past you and let the door slam shut. This was a topic of conversation at my client site, the other day, interestingly enough.
Good manners, social graces, chivalry are timeless virtues that, sadly, are not being taught as widely as they used to be.
April 30, 2008 - 7:07pmThis Comment
and very welcomed as far as I am concerned. My husband opens doors and has learned to be more chivalrous as time has gone on. I have absolutely no problem with there being distinctions between the sexes and with polite gestures based on antiquated notions.
Of course, a lot of chivalry was originally based upon the idea that a woman was incapable of walking without an elbow to steady her, or that she wasn't strong enough to get a door herself. And so what? Even though we know these notions are untrue (well, perhaps that depends on the shoes!), it is still polite to make the gestures that imply that a man can take care of a woman, even if she needs no taking care of!
I have visited the American south often, and I am always amazed at how chivalry is alive and well there, even towards strangers. I once visited New Orleans while obviously pregnant, and men gave up their trolley seats, ran to hold an umbrella over my head as I chased from one awning to another in the rain and so on. I was dumbfounded that men who didn't know me from Eve would be so gallant as to try to protect me. It was refreshing, and I am teaching my own boys the niceties that are expected of them as men, too.
April 30, 2008 - 6:36pmThis Comment
I'm a southern girl, and my little brother was taught to open doors for me and my mom practically from the time he could walk.
Whether you call it chivalry or just plain good manners, I think it's great, and although I've grown up to become a strong feminist, I still can't get past those equally strong southern manners that were instilled in me from birth. And not just the men opening doors. Also things like writing handwritten thank you notes and basic politeness.
My ex-husband is of Korean descent, and he was taught quite the opposite from southern manners when he was growing up. During our 21 years together, I'm fairly positive that he never opened a door for me. And if I'd waited in the car for him to come around and let me out, I would have sat there forever.
I'm newly single, and as I've gotten older I feel drawn to my roots. That southern belle-ness is creeping back. I'm firmer with my 13-yr-old son about his manners lately. When I go out on a date, I find myself holding my breath to see if the man I'm with actually opens a door for me. If he doesn't, well, we'll just be friends.
So, yes, chivalry is alive and breathing in my neck of the woods!
Kristin Park
April 20, 2008 - 10:29pmhttp://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
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