We started started dating in 2011 I first found gay porn on his phone and since then it's been nonstop. When I firt found it he was blaming it on add pop ups and when I'd find things on his laptop he said it was his brother or roommate because he let them use it. Very consistent and only ever gay pron, I have never found woman at all. He Doesn't touch my unless I bring it up then he'll make an effort to. He doesn't like to like me, claims 'im not clean' or his 'tounge gets tired'. I practically have to beg for him to touch me in that way. I've found it more recently and actually brought it up to him.. It didn't go that well for he finally admitted yes it turns him on but he couldn't tell me in what way but just assured me that he doesn't want to do anything physical or want to be with a man. Though he did say he did try something physical with someone but won't tell me anything at all. When we first met he was very distant and very stand offish. I made foolish mistakes and cheated on him and he feels justified to not have to tell me anything because I haven't told him everything about what happened at that time.. Being engaged and still only 21 this is a hard decision.. I want to work things out I mean he is my best friend. I feel I'm maybe not in love with him anymore because I feel so hurt and disturbed from what I've always found. I care about him so much that I want to move forward and be in love with him again. He is very feminine for a guy in general. Claims he had a 'disorder' with his appearance that's why he's always in the mirror. I don't believe it's normal for anyone in general to go through a bottle a hair spray in less then a week. I appreciate any and all advice.. Please and thank you
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Hi Anon,
Thank you for sharing you question with the EmpowHER community.
It sounds like this has been going on for some time now. And that he's been offering excuse after excuse to keep your suspicions at bay. However it also appears as time goes on, you're discovering more and more that just doesn't sit well with you.
You mentioned having to practically beg him to touch you. That in itself is a red flag for a relationship headed towards marriage.
If the gay porn was not a concern, can you say you are without a doubt truly happy and sexually satisfied in your relationship? Are you willing to compromise your happiness long term?
You have a decision to make and you intuitively have been recognizing the signs. Trust your intuition it's there to guide you to your best life.
Be well,
~Gillette
April 3, 2015 - 3:13pmThis Comment
It is a definite concern to find that and very disturbing. I have however while being sexual play with his behind.. And not to my surprise I can tell how aroused he gets. I enjoy making him feel good but I don't like making him feel good analy but I enjoy giving him that because he enjoys it. I've used my fingers and tongue on his anus many many times since this subject had been out on the table. Yet he still doesn't to anything to me unless I act bring it up and ask for it. I'm sooth to be so explicit. I don't understand if it is just curiousity why has it been so many times? And why only gay? He said I just don't find straight porn but I feel after all these years of finding gay porn I would come across woman. He doesn't believe in cousnsling and thinks it's a Waste of money. I feel deep down I know he is hiding that but would never admit it. Ever. I don't know if it's something I want to live with the rest of my life knowing my husband is obviously attracted to that. It makes me so uncomfortable. I understand its sensitive to him, I respect that.. But I don't want this. I don't know what I want but I know I dont a husband who is slightly interested in other men. I feel so stuck. He is my best friend and I don't want to hurt him at all. He is so stuck on us being together forever. Very confused about what I should do. How to talk to him where he will tell me. Tell me what makes it attractive to him or how.
April 3, 2015 - 4:02pmThis Comment