My husband told me he finds my private area repulsive. I was and still am speechless (as well as being deeply hurt). Needless to say this hasn't left my mind since he said it. My confidence is low enough what with eczema, vitaligo, small boobs etc but to now have this added to the list of abnormalities just makes me want to vanish.
Our sex life has gone down hill. I hurt with penetration sometimes and I don't turn him on enough for him to stay hard. In the last couple of weeks I've managed to get him to climax twice and that was only because he closed his eyes and started thinking of something / someone else. I am beginning to believe that he is attracted or has something with someone at work. He used to be mad about me, now I physically repulse him and he can't even look at me if I start to do things to him.
I am now wondering whether labiaplasty is an option or should resign myself to the fact he doesn't want any type of sex with me, and I will have a sexless life.
Help please, if anybody else has a similar experience. Does anybody know if any labia surgeries are available on the nhs?
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When things are good they really are but trying to get them to outweight the bad is a struggle. I'm always blamed for everything going wrong and am expected to run to him in order to make things better. Me being upset about his remark prompted him to tell me that until I am willing to talk normally and not be upset he won't listen to me, an if there are any further arguments that I will not see him for dust. Today I have to uphold a facade in order to make sure he doesn't leave. All this instead of apologising to me and giving me a hug. It's threats all the time. How it's affecting him, and that when he does stuff when he gets made it's because I pushed him.
October 11, 2011 - 3:41amI am willing to take fair blame in life but anything and everything so far falls on my shoulders one way or another, it's morally degrading and I now feel like a bad person.
He'll never come to me and make up I always have to put in the effort. And he blasts it like an inconvenience or if I say sorry or I love you he retorts with 'no you're not' or 'no you don't.
I'm sorry for ranting but I have no friends (I've always been a recluse) and no family (we dont get on), so apart from people at work my only interaction is with my husband.
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I think that's why you're finding it so hard to get the courage and leave a man who threatens, belittles, and does not respect you at all. You only have him!
Saks, for your own sanity and health, please find someone that you can trust at work to help you get out of this poisonous relationship. He sounds like an immature, selfish person who thrives off making you feel like a terrible person--which you are not. He is emotionally abusing you.
Please read more on this here: http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) for help if you ever feels that he gets out of line
Take Care,
Rosa
October 11, 2011 - 7:17amThis Comment
Hi, I can't say I've ever been a fan on how it looks, bit that's the way it is so not something I have lingered on. But to have it said to me has hit a nerve.
October 10, 2011 - 1:01amWe don't have children and never will, this was something that he said he wanted when I met him but gradually changed his mind over time to not wanting them at all. I was never sure if I wanted but would have liked the option to be left open.
My self confidence has never been great with skin issues etc, which meant growing up being bullied. It just makes it difficult when an area o your body that is so private to you is cristised. I now wonder if it's just me he's said that too or wether he's been like that with previous partners. Needless to say I am finding it hard to swallow that my entire body is a freak show. I've always been self conscious about how I look and covering up parts when unsightly.
He doesn't seem to realise how cutting his remark was. But it does explain why he doesn't advance sexually on me. And why I have such problems turning him on, because I now know I actually don't, and when I'm near him he is repulsed (as he puts it).
I'm with him because yes I love him. But I no longer feel like I am myself, I have become something I never thought I would.
My husband doesn't 'do' therapy. Apparently he tried it with an ex and swore he'd never do it again, so where does that leave me? Am I not worth trying to work things out?
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Oh Saks5541, hugs to you for having to live with such an insensitive man. I can feel the pain through your post.
I don't know if your husband is just a cold-hearted person or if he is saying these things to you so that you will leave him-- either way, he is wrong, wrong, wrong! You mention skin insecurities-- is this something that you have gone to a dermatologist for? Perhaps to help with any skin conditions or scarring you may have?
Do you really love your husband? Or have you become used to being with this man? Love is the way you feel when a man holds you, caresses you, tells you how beautiful you are to him. When you can share your deepest insecurities and he can genuinely look at you and tell you that you are beautiful inside and out.
Your husband seems like he has just cut you off completely, no kids, no interest in you, and no therapy to make it work. Is there anything decent about him that I may be missing?
I'm deeply hurt for you and about the way he makes you feel but something tells me that if you were not with this man you would be a much happier person. Do you have any friends or a family support system to help you get through this?
Waiting to hear back from you,
Rosa
October 10, 2011 - 7:43amThis Comment
Saks5541,
I don't even know where to begin. I'm not quite sure where your husband gets off telling you things like your vagina repulsing him-- if that isn't enough to send him packing, I don't know what is.
You should never consider labiaplasty for any man. If the way your vagina looks bothers you, then you can look into this. However, I don't think that labiaplasty is going to bring you and your husband closer. The lines have been drawn and he has hurt you more than I think you even realize. What is keeping you with a man who treats you this way? Do you have small children?
I don't like to advise people on ending their relationships but if both of you aren't willing to work with a therapist then I don't really see this relationship ever getting healthy.
Best of luck to you,
Rosa
October 9, 2011 - 5:00pmThis Comment