I have been reading countless post about finding gay porn and craigslist ads/responses on bf/husbands personal items, but I could not find one similar to my story. Very similar in the sense of him being distant and not as sexual towards me before and after the fact he knew I snooped through his things and confronted him. Only difference with my boyfriend is he told me he gets high on meth then goes about the gay stuff. So not only am I dealing with figuring out if he's gay, I also have to find out if this drug stuff is a bigger issue than he makes it. But it scares me that he's willing to get high on a drug like that, being that we both smoke weed. I will never touch meth or heroin, nor have any sympathy for anybody who gets into it. I feel so stupid for believing him, but I just love him sooo much. We are high school sweethearts, who took some time apart and are now back together. He told me the first time he got high on meth, was unintentional, long story. So with that said, he told me after that he would like to get high and watch porn. Thats how it started. It somehow turned into gay porn and then was intrigued to respond to craigslist ads. I feel like something sexual happened to him in the Marines because this stuff started about a year after he left for bootcamp. Maybe he liked it, so its been on his mind to try more? And getting high gave him the confidence and curiosity to actually approach men/trannys? I don't know. And Like the rest he claims he never actually met up with anybody and that he made up stories to tell to these people because he got off on them responding. I just don't understand that. I wish he would be honest so that I can make up my mind if I want to work on this with him. As sad as I would be if he has been sexual with other men, I need to know because I also need to know if he wants more or if it made him realize he wants to be with me. If it was anybody else, this wouldn't be an issue, I would've left the first time I found stuff, but my feelings for him are indescribable and we're in it for the long run. If we don't make it this time, there won't be a third try with us. I don't want to loose him, even though I already feel I have. I'm posting this to vent and seek advice, as I cant tell a soul that knows me or him about any of this. I hope I can find someone to confide in, I'm just so confused.
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