Let me start by saying i dont know if im posting this at the right place or not but I have to let this out as i think my whole life is just a little messy in my head because of my past. The title is a very very limited representation of what happened to me as achild so i am now a 33 year old married women with a husband and two kids. I have a wonderful career and seemingly wonderful life on the outside but on the inside there are things in my past I haven't told anyone about. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. I am a health professional and the more i learnt the more it triggered memories of things that happened that were not ok at all. It started really really young with our nanny . I believe i had to be like 9years old when I was introduced to sex by this girl she was having sex with some guy in the neighborhood and would tell me about it and tell me she could show me what he did, it extended to my brother she would involve us and have us perform sex acts on each other. Dear Lord when i say it outloud i feel soo sorry for a young me. I feel like crying right now. Smh fast forward my cousin another female also had sexual relations with me she was 7years older . Shit i think i need help i may be in a lot more trouble than I thought. Ok let me just say what happened with my father. My dad and i are very very close and at the time this happened he was a church elder he has since gone on to become a pastor. I have memories that are terrible. My mum had a dressing room and i loved to sleep on the cool tile a lot and my dad would come and hang out with me . It started off innocent i was asking him questions to understand some of the things friends would talk about . We were very sheltered growing up . I remember a conversation and I don't know how it got to talking about breasts but he did touch my nipples under my shirt and he did put my breast in his mouth and ask how it felt. I also remember a conversation that we had in the bathroom and he said he wanted to make sure my hymen was still there and he put his finger in my vagina. I remember him saying I shouldn't tell my mum cuz she would be very angry with me. Oh dear lord I don't know what to do with any of this im soo fucked up in the head I keep having these memories and its scary to me feels like it happened to someone else. Please someone help me
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