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On Leaving Your Mother, Part 2: 10 Steps to Freedom from a Narcissist

By HERWriter
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On Leaving Your Mother, Part 2: 10 Steps of Freedom from a Narcissist andriano_cz/Fotolia

5) Find empathetic people in your life with whom to share your joys and sorrows.

Learn not to share too closely with your mother. She will not empathize with your pain or share in your joy.

Psychology Today blogger, Karyl McBride, wrote, “Narcissists are not in touch with their own feelings. They project those feelings on to others and are not capable of empathy. They cannot put themselves into your shoes and feel or understand how something might affect you. They can only see how it affects them.”

When you address conflict with your mother, if she gaslights you, end the conversation abruptly.

“Gaslighting," according to Dr. Robin Stern, "is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another’s reality, by telling them that what they are experiencing isn’t so ...”

Do not expend energy trying to persuade her of your point of view. She isn’t interested in your point of view.

7) Continue meeting with your counselor, therapist and/or spiritual director.

Once you have established a working relationship, he or she should be able to help you evaluate whether you can stay in relationship with your mother, and within what parameters.

Mind you, this is not a three-month process. Daughters of narcissists have been raised in a school of self-doubt and self-hatred. We need to be taught what is healthy and what isn’t, what a boundary is, and fair and appropriate boundaries to set.

For me, it took 10 years of counseling and a concurrent six years of spiritual direction to decide to finally sever ties with my mother.

Should you decide to go no-contact:

8) Close the doors.

Block your mother’s email from your accounts, delete her on social media and block her cell phone number. Mark mail “return to sender.”

9) Give yourself permission to take drastic action, if necessary.

If your mother shows up at your door, do not answer. If she persists, seek a restraining order. If ever you feel in physical danger, give yourself permission to call 911.

10) Surround yourself with the women you deserve.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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