Why Can’t I Orgasm?: Part II

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This is the second installment in the Why Can’t I Orgasm? series of articles. Here are some more common reasons for an inability to climax:

3) You can’t get in the mood during sex. Let’s face it; we love our spouses/fiances/partners/hookup partners, but they don’t necessarily have dream bodies. They have love handles, out of control pubic hair, or weird moves in bed, but of course that doesn’t matter, because they’re such amazing people.

However, the fact remains that it can be hard to maintain the sexual attraction for them that we felt at the beginning of the relationship. And if our sex drive isn’t as strong as theirs, we often end up in bed with them out of a sense of…obligation. This is clearly not a good precursor to sex!

To get your mojo back, you need to realize that YOU are in control of your psychological state in bed. You can choose to be turned on or not. And once you decide to get in the mood, you can fantasize about anything you want to get off. Construction workers, bondage, women, you name it!

4) None of the recommended positions and techniques work for you. No two women are the same, and so the same advice will not work for all of them. It’s all about gaining as much information as you can and then experimenting to see what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box when it comes to methods and positions. Try standing and having your partner enter you from behind. Bend over and then pleasure yourself with a finger or vibrator – or let your partner do it, if you’re confident in his or her abilities. Get on top so that you can control the movements and penetration levels.

Many women have reservations about experimenting because they’re afraid their partners will get bored or irritated. I’ll tell you right now that this will NEVER happen. As long as you’re naked and having sex with a man, he will always be happy. He’s going to orgasm no matter what you do – many men even prefer for sex to last a bit longer than usual. And if you’re having sex with a woman, she will surely commiserate with your issues.

5) You can't figure out which techniques work in real life. The great majority of my sexual knowledge came from discussions with close female friends, relatives, and even therapists. You’d be surprised to find out that many women have the same problem as you – and the one’s who don’t are more than willing to give you tips.

Of course, sometimes an inability to orgasm stems from deep-seated psychological factors, including lack of self-esteem, prior or current abuse, and depression or anxiety. If you’re feeling a bit “off” in other areas of your life as well, seeing a therapist or counselor can bring those issues to light.

Next: Why Can’t I Orgasm? Part III

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Shaina Gaul is a feminist and freelance writer living in Iowa. View more of her writing at http://www.toasterbyte.com.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.