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Coping With Holiday Grief Join this Group

Coping with the loss of a family member.

By December 8, 2011 - 10:46pm

The holidays are difficult to cope with at times. I know this year was particularly difficult for me because we chose not to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving. This was our third Thanksgiving since Mom lost her battle to breast cancer in January of 2009. Mom was the thread that held the family together and she was a phenomenal cook.

As a family, we agreed to celebrate the holiday on Saturday instead of Thursday, allowing everyone ample time to meet up in the Bay Area. I agreed to this arrangement, not knowing how upset I would be Thursday. When I awoke Thursday and walked into my kitchen, I had a slight breakdown knowing the kitchen was not going to smell like turkey. Even worse was knowing Mom's kitchen wasn't going to be smelling like turkey either. AND...we had no plans to do anything as a family.

After a moment of self pity, I called my dad and brother, (we all live in the same town), and demanded we spend the day together. Without a moment of hesitation, we devised a menu as a family. Dad and I headed to the store for some last minute shopping and created a delicious meal. We didn't have time to roast a turkey, but being together was enough for me.

I am finally able, after three years, to reach out and ask for help. Who are you missing during the holidays and how are you coping?

By December 13, 2011 - 7:33pm

Thanks, Tory.
Talking to my kids has helped.

December 13, 2011 - 7:33pm
By December 13, 2011 - 12:08pm
Freestlstt, I am very sorry to hear the holidays are so difficult for you. Stay strong and know you have an outlet here. Warm wishes, ToryDecember 13, 2011 - 12:08pm
By December 12, 2011 - 12:59pm

Thank you. It felt good to get it out. Thank you for the opportunity.

December 12, 2011 - 12:59pm
By December 12, 2011 - 12:53pm

My name is Kim. I came across this sight through a survey program. Lucky. I have really been having a hard time this year.
I lost my brother a few years ago. His birthday is Dec. 1st. He died just a few days before his 51st birthday. This year on Dec. 21st I will turn 51. Somehow I feel guilty. We lost my mother at 48. I feel uncomfortable with it all. All the emotions from losing them both is just flooding back. And I am literally afraid of my birthday. As if I don't deserve it.
The last couple of years have been difficult. I had to give up my house and move in with my ailing father. And last Christmas day my two youngest sons were in a car accident with a deer. the youngest was in two full arm casts for three months. My other son was attacked a few weeks later by a gang that for the next three weeks tried to shoot him. So I had to send him to his father. ( we live in Kansas City. Dangerous town).
The economy has done irreperable damage to my business. I may have to close. So, there is no money this year.
My two oldest boys are in California, and I can't afford to see them this year.
I am tryng to stay upbeat for my youngest son. But, he is feeling the stress as well because he can't see his father. And living with my father is difficult.
I can't seem to stop crying. I don't know what to do to make it better. This year just seems to be so bad. I feel lost without my boys around me. And I am mourning my mother and brother all over again. it feels as if I have lost them all, including myself.
holiday despair

December 12, 2011 - 12:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous December 12, 2011 - 3:56am

Thanks Tory,

Happy Holidays to you too!


December 12, 2011 - 3:56am
By December 11, 2011 - 10:41pm
Daisy, Thank you :) Happy holidays! ToryDecember 11, 2011 - 10:41pm
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous December 9, 2011 - 6:20pm

Hi AllThingsCaregiver,

Thanks for sharing your story.  Sad, but a beautiful story. I can imagine how difficult it must be not having your mom around, especially for the holidays.  But it's great you have the support of your father.  Am sure your story will help many going through the same.



December 9, 2011 - 6:20pm

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