My boyfriend does not want me anymore
Hi, ive a huge problem tha is affecting me since a long time ago. Im 25 years old and he is 26.
My sex life is awful, i have been in a relationship for 3 years and 5 months and this is my issue:
The first year we were doing it all the time, we just couldnt take our hands out of each other, it was amazing and he had this look of being so proud to be with me, it used to make me feel super special. The second year things started changing, his brother and sister came back from school and the house got full, beside he shared his room with his brother so thats where we used to do it, and i just dont like to go to a motel nor paying money to have sex. So the sex started to decrease even more when i made a mistake of checking his website history and found so much porn and once after sex he went to the computer and check some naked girl on the internet. I wont deny that i got hurt and not enough, i know that watching porn is normal because i do it too but just there after having sex with me?!? Anyway he started to change that, watch it less and less, and at the same time i feel i kill his mojo or his motivation to make love to me. So we had arguments, lots of crying from my part because i was an extremely sexual woman, my libido was on fire, i just couldnt get enough .... Anyway with time i felt so rejected, everytime i wanted he just reject me, and we just had sex when he wanted. The worst part as we didnt have much action, when he wanted he just cum right away, maybe 2 mins max. I felt like a whore or something, he just didnt mind my satisfaction at all... Beside all that we see each other every day, he pays a lot of attention to me, he is an amaZing boyfriend, he is family to me. Anyway the excuse he used to have was that his family was outside, or his brother can come in the room in any second etc.
well both of us apply for a scholarship, so we got it and moved together... I thought things were going to be like before, i was expecting the morning sex (as he used to promise) the privacy, like seriously we didnt have an excuse, but the reality is that he stop touching me, maybe once or twice a month and i got extremely depressed, he was thinking to propose and with my depression all that go to hell and for being honest i quit sex, sometimes i felt the need to go out and find it somewhere else, but damn i truly love him YOU HAVE NO IDEA, we almost broke up when i got depressed and i literally died of pain, i begged him to stay. After that i wont deny he has try to initiate sex and i was refusing, i feel like the ugliest girl in this country, he said he loves me and he proved it in so many other ways. I miss myself, i miss my libido, the woman with high self-esteem, i felt sexy and i dont want to be desire for other men , i want him to really want me, but thats not happening. Im showing my assets, be around naked and nothing works.
I dont know what to do.
I feel so bad, no one ever had made me feel unwanted, just him, the one i love.