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Feeling lost without support

By August 16, 2018 - 10:45am

For the past 9 months my husband and I have not gone one week without arguing. In our previous 14 years together we only would argue a few times a year. He was contacted by an ex of mine saying that I never wanted to be with my husband and that I wanted to he with him instead. I told my husband that wasn't true but after him repeatedly telling me to say it was true to end the argument, I lied to him and told him it was true.
Then it began a series of events that I can't stop. My husband found out I am a compulsive liar. I lie to make myself look better and I lie by omission too. I didn't tell him things that I know would upset him. He has found out about the past that I kept from him. Now we argue about every little thing. I can't stop the lying even though it is destroyed my marriage to the point my husband wants to move out of the house.
I am not strong enough to be without him. I want to stop the lying, but after 30 years of lying it isn't something I can just stop in an instant.

By HERWriter Guide August 16, 2018 - 3:34pm

Hello Ajn5

You haven't said what you have lied about throughout your marriage so it's difficult to know what to say to you. 

Were these lies that were life-changing or "yes, your cooking is great" (when it isn't) kind of lies.  White lies are things we say to people to avoid hurting their feelings - telling kids their artwork is great or they can sing nicely to telling a spouse you liked the gift they got you when really you didn't. These aren't harmful and quite frankly, if we all told nothing but the truth, we'd have few friends! 

But big lies are different, obviously. After 14 years of rarely fighting, you say he found out your are a compulsive liar. How did he find this out? Why would an ex from decades back suddenly contact your husband? Why did your husband not back down until you lied to get him to stop? 

Your story is so vague I'm not even sure what's going on. You need to be clear and honest in order to get help and I don't think you are being that on this post. There is no point in being vague to us - we have no idea of your life and don't know you personally.

But it's clear you need counselling on your own and marriage counseling is also important.



August 16, 2018 - 3:34pm

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