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Each of us grew up in a family whose particular situation or history affected our relationship to food. Some of our parents lived through the food scarcities of the depression, World War II or other difficult situations. In many instances these experiences led them to regard the robust, chubby child as a symbol of health and plenty. Food was pushed on children in the belief that the more they ate, the healthier and happier they would be. Many of us who were raised this way never learned what it feels like to be hungry, and as adults we have great difficulty knowing when to eat and when to stop. We say to ourselves, “I ought to eat,” or “I ought to stop eating now,” rather than “I feel hungry,” or “I feel full.”
Others of us grew up in families in which the focus was on proper nutrition, a sort of scientific approach to food and feeding. This meant that each meal had to be balanced with selections from the major food groups. It was very important to have three meals a day.
Other families may have been concerned with slimness for fashion or keeping in shape.
Whatever the feelings and rules that your parents enforced with respect to food and feedings, and whatever way these were communicated to you, you can be fairly certain that your parents believed that their ways with food was in your best interest and that the ways your parents approached the situation had a strong influence on the way you feed your children.
Our childhood experiences have greatly impacted the nature and intensity of our involvement with food, but our current culture also greatly influences us. Newspapers, magazines, radio, television and the movies directly overwhelm us daily, promoting ideas that have nothing to do with our nutritional or physical needs.
Food fads and trends sweep across the country in a matter of weeks. One would wonder if the originators of Sesame Street ever dreamed that a generation of adults would pick up the Cookie Monster’s mania and join a nationwide chocolate chip cookie obsession. Ice cream enthusiasts not only stand in long lines for their Haagen-Dazs or Baskin-Robbins, but even wear t-shirts advertising their favorite brand.
The baby’s body size is calculated and announced the day of his/her birth. Parents begin thinking about size and physical attributes even before the baby is born. They say things like “I hope the baby has your build and metabolism,” “I hope she does not get my nose,” “I hope he is tall like me.” From the first time they see the baby, parents, relatives and friends decide who the baby resembles in its features, build and expressions. Comparisons and judgments are continuously being made. We never hear “Oh my gosh, my son looks just like himself.”
From the earliest moments of life we begin to judge on the basis of looks. We live in a society that puts a huge emphasis on personal appearance and sets standards that are often unattainable and quite unrealistic. Placing such a high priority on appearance over other personal attributes places enormous harm on children. The challenge to us as parents is to let our children be who they are physically, without any tear or humiliation. In doing so, allow them to find their own body size comfortably, even if it deviates or varies from the charts at the doctor’s office.
When body size becomes a struggle between parent and child, there becomes a much greater risk of an ongoing weight issue or a distorted body image. A person’s body should be pleasing to him/herself. How can we help our children not be so affected by their body image?
We can start by helping our children feel at ease and accept their bodies the way they are. We need, as parents, not be too overly involved in promoting the “perfect” body rather than a “healthy” body. Too much parental interference with and talk about a child’s body inhibits them from developing their “own” sense of their body. The child must grow to understand and appreciate their body and be able to then trust the many important signals that the body sends to us. When parents enforce rigid eating schedules or eating habits, exercise regimes, even clothing requirements, a question is raised as to “Who does this body actually belong to?”
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