It’s 12:30am and I am up again. I have already taken some form of Oxycontin, sleeping pill, Dulaudid, multivitamin and Xantax. Around 9:30pm I started getting ready for bed and was overcome with anxiety.
I’m not sure what started this, but I just felt really trapped. Trapped in this hospital, trapped in my body, and ready to run! I have been sitting in this room for a couple of days with my only “field trips” being down to the scan room on a rolling bed.
We had the nurse immediately check my vitals and everything seemed normal. Lisa and I decided to finally get out of the room and take a walk up and down the 100 meter hallway to take a lap. So with my hearth monitor on and my shaky legs ready, we started out for our adventure…we came back 10 minutes later whn my heart monitor started beeping because we attempted to go to the first floor. Oops!
Tomorrow am I will know if I will be staying through Wednesday and completing my first round of chemo here. It sounds like it is really my decision and based on what I am comfortable with. I’m not sure what the right answer is, but I am scared to leave because of my panic and shortness of breath. On the other hand I would love to get fresh air and be in my own comfortable home. So-we’ll see what tomorrow brings! The pain is slowly subsiding in my leg (hopefully the medicine is working) and now the pain is returning to my back.