Just get over him! Get into the dating scene. Throw his gifts away. Get involved in a new activity.
We’ve all heard virtually the same advice, and some if it can be helpful, but breakups suck no matter what.
Breakups from any type of relationship can cause sadness, grief or depression whether a woman initiates the breakup or not.
Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist in Denver, Colo., says that there is a difference between grief and depression after a breakup.
“Grieving is the sadness that comes with any loss, but depression adds a level of powerlessness and negative thoughts,” Heitler said.
She said that powerlessness comes from feeling “that a breakup has been done to us, not that it was a mutual decision.”
Although it depends on how long you’ve been with the person and how deep the feeling of loss is, grieving over a lost relationship usually should last only a little over a week, she said.
After a week, if the woman is still getting “lots of negative self-thoughts,” it might be depression.
“If someone feels like there’s a negative dark cloud hanging over them, then they’ve shifted from grieving into depression,” Heitler said.
When there’s depression involved, it’s best to see a therapist or psychologist, but there are some actions you can do to ease some pain.
Heitler suggests trying to communicate with an ex-partner.
“To be able to say your own thoughts, to share your view, is empowering, so then it doesn’t feel like there’s something done to you, but rather like you’ve had input also,” she said.
When an ex is unwilling to talk over the phone or in-person, an e-mail or letter can help.
Although throwing out gifts and memories of an ex can be cliché, it can also help in certain cases.
“It’s a way to say, ‘Okay, I’m ending that era of my life and readying myself to go onto something new,’” Heitler said. “It gives you a feeling of, ‘I’m taking charge now, I’m in the driver’s seat.’ It’s not essential but it can be helpful.”
However, many people have the opposite reaction and want to keep everything and put it in a safe place.
“They want to take all the memories of that person and treasure them because that was a period of their lives and they can still move on,” Heitler said.
One thing to keep in mind is that thoughts of an ex can interfere with your life if you let them.
“Each time those thoughts come up, distract yourself,” Heitler said. “You can’t block them from coming up, but you can stop yourself from dwelling on that person. What you need to do is weaken the ties with them, so you don’t want to be dwelling on them because that reinforces the ties.”
One of the best ways to move on is to “build something new,” she said.
“Build new friendships, take on new activities, get a new puppy, take a trip,” Heitler said. “New is good.”
In a Psychology Today blog, the author suggested five ways to get over a breakup: sharing your feelings with others, meditate, sleep, exercise and have “imaginary conversations with the ex.”
A website, www.ahealthyme.com, which is part of the Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts, said that taking care of yourself is important, including watching your diet and maintaining a normal energy level. Volunteering, taking a class or doing something creative (music, art, writing, etc.) can all help you improve yourself and meet new friends.
Heitler’s websites: www.Therapyhelp.com, www.Po2.com
Add a Comment25 Comments
first of all how can you get over in a week with the suffering and torture of a gutless person who has continued to use you and lie to you and keep coming in and out of your life because they are confused but now this is all made yourself so crazy you try to kill yourself you act a fool you blame yourself beat up yourself absolutely loose your mind because that is what im having to live all those thoughts and images and the words he has said to me i cannot get them out of me . i have no friends i have no one ive done what i should as a woman for him and our family im 50 years old now half my life i a complete waste and you think a week is going to help.. not hardlyApril 5, 2018 - 7:03am
A week!!!! Ridiculous. Whoever wrote that is missing a few reality screws.November 2, 2015 - 10:28pm
even my gal friend left me today it self for somebody else,,, so be cool dont think much abt them who move from ur life ,,, mine is 9years loveMarch 27, 2015 - 4:10am
superb bro!! actually this whole blog couldn't give me as much courage as your one line have given........... thnx bro... i was in a relationship for last 4 year and she left me without giving any reason so i was in depression, but your comment just evinced a smile on my face..... thnx bro!!February 24, 2016 - 10:54am
So sorry to hear about it. Hope you moved on well.June 25, 2015 - 3:35am
I stopped reading after it said it should only take a week to get over a break up. Unless you had like two dates, it will take a lot longer than a week to "get over" the relationship. Who wrote this??!February 23, 2015 - 12:52pm
Yes, I stopped too. That only tells me this person has ZERO experience or is an unapologetic narcissist. Ridiculous.September 4, 2015 - 8:27pm
A week to "get over" a breakup? You have no idea what you are talking about.February 6, 2015 - 10:27pm
hi... I lost my boyfriend 1 & half months ago.My family & his family had fight and they ask him to chose between me & his family.He choosed his family.A 7 yrs relationship just ended.He cried on phone in the starting of our breakup.After 15 days he found a new love a started talking to her till 2 in the night.If i am on call waiting he didnt receive my call.He changed his number.Now i am in mental depression.I cant sleep at night properly, just 2 hours max and in that time too i get bad dreams about him.I am not feeling to eat or do any activity.Let my left job too.I tried to commit suicide and was unsuccessful in that.All i can think is i dont want to live.Just want to end my life.Its very frustrating that now he dont care about me and not even he call me.Yes i want him back in my life because i cant live without him but dont know how.. My blood pressure is always low now a days and head pains.I am also suffering from cramps in all parts of my body.As i think that he is happy with that married woman,talking to her all this BP,head pains and cramps starts.I dont know y he did this to me?I was with him for 7 years in his bad time and he just left me blaming everything on me and my family.I didnt know that he had this status money thing in his head like his family.October 9, 2013 - 9:20pm
hi... I lost my boyfriend 1 & half months ago.My family & his family had fight and they ask him to chose between me & his family.He choosed his family.A 7 yrs relationship just ended.He cried & on phone in the starting of our breakup.After 15 days he found a new love a started talking to her till 2 in the night.If i am on call waiting he didnt receive my call.He changed his number.Now i am in mental depression.I cant sleep at night properly, just 2 hours max and in that time too i get bad dreams about him.I am not feeling to eat or do any activity.Let my left job too.I tried to commit suicide and was unsuccessful in that.All i can think is i dont want to live.Just want to end my life.Its very frustrating that now he dont care about me and not even he call me.Yes i want him back in my life because i cant live without him but dont know how..October 9, 2013 - 9:11pm