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Julia Aziz Shares Lessons of Labor Through Birth and Miscarriage

By HERWriter
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Julia Aziz Shares Lessons of Labor From Birth and Miscarriage Photo courtesy of Julia Aziz

"These are real pregnancies, and real losses. By not talking about them, we somehow pretend they never happened. They become less important than the pregnancies that result in live-born babies.

"Sometimes we think by not focusing on a loss, we can get through the difficult emotions more easily. I think we need to honor the experience of pregnancy loss for those who need validation and understanding."


What is most important to you to express to women who have suffered this type of experience?


"There is no right way to grieve. Grief is not just sadness. It is also anger, depression, fear, anxiety, relief, guilt, joy, and any other emotion humans experience. The point is, the more compassion you can have for yourself, and the more you surround yourself with kind and caring people, the better."


What would you say to the people in these women's lives?


"Do your best not to judge, and just to listen. Just follow her lead: stay patient, listen when she needs to talk about it, distract her when she wants distraction, and above all, try not to judge or get consumed by how you think you would deal with it differently.

"Just checking in now and then with a 'How are you doing?' is great. Letting her know you care and haven't forgotten a few weeks later is a huge gift, and it can be enough."


What would you say to partners who also suffer from miscarriages?


"The partner is in the position of needing to support the mother while also working through his/her own emotions. It can be a very challenging role to give your attention to someone else when you are in need yourself.

"All I can really say to the partners would be: it's not easy where you stand either. If you're not sure how to feel or what to do, you are not alone. Again, compassion and patience — for yourself and your partner — is the best medicine I can think of.

"My husband grieved along with me. I was lucky in that he very much felt the loss deeply, just like I did.

Email interview with Julia Aziz. Sept. 30, 2016.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.



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