Making the decision to stay home with her baby or return to work may be one of the hardest things that a pregnant woman will have to decide. For many Mothers, it is not an option, they must return to work. That is what happened to me with my first child. My baby’s first day at day care is one that I will not forget.
It was late July when I returned to work and my baby was 3 ½ months old. It was a hot and sunny Arizona summer morning. I awoke earlier than usual to be sure that I had everything that I needed. Today was my little boy’s first day of day care.
I took care in picking out one of his cutest little outfits to dress him in. (I would learn later that I should save my favorite outfits for weekends when I would be with him and could keep them from getting stained.) I had the diaper bag packed. I had all the things that they asked me to bring. I had an extra change of clothes, a large package of diapers and wipes, bottles, and formula. Then I had the other things that I thought that he needed. His own mobile for the crib, a special blanket from home, two of his favorite books, his pacifier, his favorite musical toy and my list that I created to help the strangers that would be watching him, know more about him.
I arrived at least 20 minutes early, telling myself that I didn’t want to just drop him off but the entire time was agony for me. It is the feeling you get when you hold in a cry. There was a tightening inside my body that started at my throat and moved into my chest. It hurt to swallow. It hurt to breathe. It was going to be hard to leave him but I promised myself that I would not cry.
I tried to smile as I saw the crib that had a little sign with his name on it. I attached the mobile to the crib and placed his blanket inside, replacing the one that was already there. I put him down by all the fun toys in the middle of the room but he was already aware that something was going on. He did not cry as I began to cross the room but his eyes did not leave me for one minute.
I spoke to the infant room employees and found all the places that my items would go. The spare clothes and bottles were placed in a plastic bin on a shelf and the diapers and wipes in a different area. His car seat was placed in a closet by the door. Once everything was put away, I handed them my list and explained that these were things to help them get to know my baby. My list was six pages long and contained things like a sample of his daily schedule, likes and dislikes, what works to calm him if he cries, and the baby signs that I was teaching him and hoping that they could continue with.
I look back now and wonder how I ever could have thought, that in an infant room with eleven babies, those women would have time to read, let alone follow the instructions on my list. I was a first time Mom. I just didn’t know. The ladies were nice though, they followed along on the extra copies that I brought, as I pointed out the information. I am now sure that after I left, they laughed all day at that list.
I walked over to my baby boy for a last quick goodbye. I hugged him and kissed the top of his soft little head, smelling his sweet baby scent. Then I told him the same thing that I would tell him each day that he went to day care. “I will be back for you. I will always be back for you.” I stood up, turned around and walked out the door with out looking back at him. I couldn’t look back. If I did, I would never leave.
The sunshine warmed my skin as I left the air conditioned day care building. The sound of the security door closing and locking behind me was the reminder that I had just gotten through the moment that I had been dreading for months.