So apparently my body has decided it likes to stay at The “Ritz” a little too much. Sure, its got housekeeping everyday, attention at the push of a button, comfortable room, and even “room service”. Ha! Unfortunately,I’m here for stomach pain and my one night stay turned into an “extended stay”.
I’ve now been at St. Joes since basically Friday. I was in the ER Friday, stayed for 12 hours and then released. I went right back to the ER on Saturday. The docs can’t figure out what’s wrong with my stomach. They think it may be some kind of pancreatitis, but not sure. I’ve had a multitude of tests and nothing seems to stand out. Saturday, the pain in my stomach was so severe I was doubled over, sweating profusely, swearing all sorts of random things, and crying. I saw white lights and stars. I literally thought to myself, “I am dying! This is is what it’s all about?? There’s no peace in this! I see white lights, but I’m in pain!” My poor father and sister rushed me to the hospital. I can’t even imagine how they felt watching me experience such pain. When we got to the ER I was admitted pretty quickly.
They shot me up with Dilaudid and Fenergen for nausea and I was out. I woke up about 6 hours later to the nurse telling my family that I was able to go home and they were going to work on the discharge papers. I immediately spoke up and exclaimed that I was not going anywhere until we knew what the problem was. The pain I had experienced early was the most horrific thing and I didn’t think mentally or physically I would be able to handle going through it again without being under the care of the hospital. They ended up admitting me 10 hours after we originally got to the ER.
The docs decided to not let me have any food/liquid by mouth. Last night I was finally allowed apple juice. When it seemed that my stomach was able to handle that, I received the go ahead for soft foods. I went straight for the cafeteria mashed potatoes, which at the time seemed like the tastiest carbs I’ve ever had in my life.
Unfortunately, my stomach started cramping up and I ended up throwing up about an hour later.
Tuesday was really rough. I had my liquid breakfast of chicken broth (yes, I’m back to liquids only). The doc(s) came by and wanted to do a gall bladder test which meant no pain meds or food/liquid until after the test was completed. 3 hours later I was back in my room with back pain, stomach pain and a huge amount of aggravation. The gall bladder tech said I would have to wait to do the test since I had the broth that am. It would have been nice if they told me that sooner, or checked to see if I had already eaten that day. We just spent a huge amount of unnecesary time waiting for transporters and me in pain. I completely broke down. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t eat and was so hungry, frustrated that the stupid gall test was going to be two hours and I would have to go for a total of 6 without pain meds, and frustrated that I couldn’t be outside enjoying the nice day. I have a very deadly cancer. I can handle that. I have a blood clot in my leg and lung…ok I can handle that too. But now I have this stupid stomach thing that nobody can figure out and I am literally wasting away while I should be hydrating and downing as much nutrition as possible after chemo!
Fast forward to a couple hours later. I was nauseated and threw up again! At this point I almost had to laugh. Not sure where it came from since I didn’t have a damn thing in my stomach. Then the docs gave me a nausea shot called redland to help. Shortly after, I had an allergic reaction and immediately went into panic attack. The feeling was horrific! It makes you feel like you want to jump out of your skin and run as fast as possible. The only thing I can do is jump around, breathe, and imagine I’m in a relaxing spa or something. Thank heavens, Steve Burton was here and rushed to tell the nurse. They immediately gave me Benedryl and Xantax, which knocked me out.
This is the second time in two days I’ve had this sort of panic attack. I definitely think my brain and body is getting cabin fever. I am used to working out all the time and I am constantly on the go. I have been laying in hospital beds about 19 days out of the past 30. Its like my body and mind want to keep functioning like normal, but I can’t keep up. The docs suggested maybe getting anti-anxiety drugs to take regularly to help. I guess I’m willing to try it; however I think more than anything, I just need to make sure I am getting fresh air everyday and at least walk a few minutes no matter how sick I am.
On the bright side, I was able to get permission to leave my floor today. The trip down the hall to the cafeteria was like a huge field trip. This really helped mentally-just getting the change of scenery. I had some more chicken broth for dinner and Jell-o. At this point, I was just happy to be out of the room in a new environment with new lighting.
So I guess we’ll wait and see what happens tomorrow. For now I think its time for me to snuggle up to my “ritz” luxury bedding and dream of good times that are going to come in the future!