Being pregnant affects your life in many ways but before you actually have the baby, your time is still your own. Especially if you are pregnant with your first baby, you have the freedom to nap when you need to, take time out to rest and spend your day as you normally would. I can remember the exact moment with my first son when I realized that I would almost never be alone again.
I was about 6 months pregnant with my first son and I was at the dentist. I was making my future 6 month appointment when I realized that I could make it for any time and any day. I would not have to worry about scheduling it around work meetings because I would be on maternity leave. Then it hit me, that baby would be with me ALL THE TIME. Every place I would go, he would go. I would never be without him. Not at the dentist. Not at the spa. Not at the grocery store. As I left the dentist office, my legs felt as if they could not support the weight of my body as I walked to my car. My head was spinning and the open sky above me seemed to be dropping closer to the ground. The feeling of being crushed was leaving me short of breath.
Was I surprised about this fact? I shouldn’t have been. Surely, I must have known the responsibility involved before I lovingly began to start a family with my husband. But still, that was the moment that it hit me that the life that I was used to, was definitely going to change.
Fast forward to 6 years later. I am rushing around the house trying to pack my bags, find my keys and go through the mental list in my head of all the things that I will need for the morning, all as I balance an 8 month old on my hip. I have carefully placed five bags near the door to the garage. The diaper bag, my gym bag, two backpacks and a lunch box. It is 8:20 and amazingly, we are on time. I have been up since before 5:00am and in that time I have fed and dressed myself and three children, made two lunches and coffee, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, threw a load of laundry in the wash, and packed four bags with school work, baby essentials and what I need for the gym.
I have asked my boys at least three times to brush their teeth and put on their shoes and socks. Their attempt to ignore me doesn’t work and I ask again, this time marching behind them forcing them out of the toy room. The baby on my hip is crying. He rubs his eyes with his chubby little fists and tugs at my shirt. I bend down to the diaper bag and fumble inside for a pacifier. When I find it, I hold it out to him and he grabs it and pops it in his mouth. He wants breast milk but a pacifier will work for now. Good thing. There is no time for milk.
The six year old is ready. His teeth are brushed. His socks and shoes are on. He picks up his backpack and lunch box and goes to the garage to get in the car. Finally, the four year old is ready too. He quickly follows his brother to the car. I yell to them, “Strap into your seats the best that you can!” as I hear the door slam shut.
As I bring the baby out to the car, I sigh a heavy sigh. The two older boys are throwing themselves over the seats of our van , laughing and playfully pushing each other. No one is “strapping in the best that they can.” As I begin to place the baby into his car seat, I remember something important-I forgot to check his diaper before leaving the house. And, of course, we head back inside for a fresh diaper. As I change him, I glance up at a clock in his room. It is 8:35 and we are almost running late. I am hot from rushing around and can feel the back of my neck damp from sweat. I safely get the baby into his seat, run back into the house and grab the remaining bags by the door. I toss them over to the passenger side, put my keys in the ignition, press the garage door opener, and begin to start the car when I hear a sweet voice behind me, “Mom, I have to go to the bathroom!” I have only a second to decide if I want to go back inside and risk being late for school or drive on and risk a wet car seat……