When our son, Luke, was just 2 ½ months old I was still breastfeeding, but was having some difficulty with mastitis and the baby would go on “strikes” from breastfeeding. I was feeling frustrated and tired, so we decided to transition completely to formula when Luke turned 3 months old. I had been on a progesterone pill for birth control from 6 weeks postpartum.
Hormones Have Their Play
After weaning, I had to switch birth control; it was following that, and quitting breastfeeding, the PPD symptoms started to noticeably slowly build. I was going through mood swings (being weepy, then irritable), I was tired all the time, and was generally sad. If something happened to upset me, I would have a hard time shaking it, and would be in a “funk” for the rest of the day, or be anxious a couple days following. I felt isolated working from home, and guilty for having to send Luke outside of home for daycare so I could get work and some chores done during business hours. I had trouble focusing on my work, and had trouble making decisions. The scariest of the symptoms was the random “what if" evil thoughts that seemed to jab at me from out of no-where. I would never hurt my baby, but the thoughts seemed to come more and more often.
I Throw Up My Hands
The symptoms hit their peak when Luke was about 6 months old. I felt helpless and scared to see another day, not knowing if it would be a good day or a bad day. I humbly realized it was probably PPD, and I decided I needed to call my doctor. They nurse practitioner wanted to prescribe some medication, but I wanted to look into other options first. I was very opposed to being one of the “Prozac Nation” even though I had good friends who had been on anti-depressants in the past. The OB/GYN’s office referred me to a couple psychiatrists in the area, so I made an appointment. They also referred me to Postpartum Resource Center (PRC) of Kansas. I called and left a message for a call-back within 24 hours. Paula called me back the next day, and we talked for a bit. She told me my symptoms were not uncommon, and I wasn't alone; she urged me to go to the support group. I agreed I would consider it, even though I’ve never thought of myself a “group therapy” type of person. From there, my journey took a turn, but was not over by any means.
Christine Jeffries is a writer/editor for work and at heart, and lives in a home of testosterone with her husband and two sons. Christine is interested in women’s health and promoting strong women.
Resources:
PRC of Kansas (www.kansasppd.org, 1-866-363-1300)
"Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America" by Elizabeth Wurtzel