When you have been around as long as me in the world of fertility and baby making, you have heard it all. I am sure that you have heard about drinking Robitussin cough syrup to make your cervical mucus all runny and sperm friendly, right? And how about "Just relax" or "Adopt and you will get pregnant!" (and how insulting is that one to adopted children?) But I bet you have never heard the one about about sniffing the head of a newborn baby, standing on your head after intercourse or putting a frozen bag of peas on your partner's testicles!
If I had to stand on my head after sex to conceive a child, there would never have been a Tyler or a Spencer! I simply don't bend that way! And if I ever threw a bag of frozen peas on Kai's testicles as some kind of kinky fertility friendly foreplay, I would have had to take that game a bit further and bondage would have been necessary!
Sometimes, I wonder why some of this stuff doesn't go away. You know, the way a bad rumor after awhile just fades into the distance and no one repeats it anymore because they know that they will look foolish.
The problem is that attitudes toward people with conception difficulties really hasn't changed much throughout the years. There is still a bit of blame-the -mentality out there when it comes to how the world see fertility problems, and telling someone that all they have to do is relax and not see a doctor is misleading and hurtful. The fact is that too many people wait way too long to see a doctor - the average couples thinks that they should wait for 48 months before consulting a fertility specialist. The real advice is 12 months for a woman who is under the age of 35 and six months for a woman over the age of 35.
A part of the problem is that many of these old wives' tales had some bit of logic in them and are based on some kind of truth! Heat IS bad for sperm production, so hot tubs and tight shorts are no nos! Boxer shorts are in for men who are trying to make a baby! But how did that turn into frozen veggies on a man's testicles? It probably turned up on some fertility message board somewhere and flew around like some kind of bad virus along with eating crushed rubies (please don't!).
What about the just relax line? Well, we know that when woman are able to reduce stress in their lives, that some women with ovulation disorders are more likely to have a better-quality ovulation, which is more likely to result in conception!
And should you leap out of bed the minute you are done making love and do jumping jacks? I wouldn't recommend that any more than doing head stands! The premise about the head stand advice is to give the sperm some help in getting to the eggs. Perhaps laying in bed for a little while and cuddling with your beloved is not a bad idea! You both get a little loving and it might allow the sperm a chance to begin their journey to the promised land!
People on the baby-making road do need to pay attention to where they get their fertility advice! I have recently written about the world of fertility message boards to the delight and dismay of many. And there are good ones out there! Just know where your little mouse is taking you when you search the Internet for advice! Is the site or person offering you fertility advice a health care professional?
Many fertility sites such as Fertility Ties, EmpowHer, Fertility Authority and my very own East Coast Fertility offer reputable doctors who will answer your questions in real time and articles that offer patients information, support and advice. Know where you are going before you go! And once you are there, if the advice that you are being given is different than the advice that you doctor has given you, perhaps it is time for second opinion! Second opinions can be good things! Don't be frightened of them! And some centers offer free consultations that can be very useful in getting that second opinion.
Don't just go off and do your own thing! Take a breath and check it out! And if you are on a Web site that has fact sheets on them, make sure that they are up-to-date! The science of fertility treatment changes much faster than fact sheets can be written sometimes, so check that copyright date!
The internet is full of alternative therapies for fertility treatment. And I am a big believer in a lot of it. But talk to your doctor. No one should be taking herbal remedies without their doctor knowing about it and a good eastern medicine practitioner should be able to talk to your doctor about what they are recommending. Today, East and West are working together. Patients only get in trouble when they keep their practitioners isolated from each other. If you don't let your caregivers know about each other, they may actually do things that are contraindicated and you may be hurting your chances of conception, not helping them.
The world is full of "Aunt Sadies" who know just what you should to do to help you get pregnant. So pile up the pillows, have sex on your head while the moon is full in a circle of fire and never think of pointy things while you are trying to conceive! Most of our friends and family mean well. They are trying to help in a situation where most of us feel helpless - even them. They really do mean well and are trying to help, not hurt. So keep that in mind when they are trampling on your feelings and giving you ridiculous advice. Count to ten, smile and tell them that you already know that one! And that you have a team of specialists working with you to make your dreams come true.
And when you are alone at night with your computer, your Google search engine at the ready, click carefully and take back what you learn to a consultation with your doctor. What you have found may turn out to be gold or it may be crushed colored glass.
Pamela Madsen is one of the nation's most outspoken and recognized fertility educators and patient advocates. The Fertility Advocate, Ms. Madsen's blog, has become the must-read for all members of the fertility community with hundreds jacking into Ms. Madsen's funny, insightful and provocative posts every day. Ms. Madsen is the Founder of The American Fertility Association and works with East Coast Fertility as the director of public education. Ms. Madsen is reaching out to women -- and men — to integrate all aspects of the reproductive continuum from sexuality, infertility prevention, protection and treatment into the general health care of all women.