Last night I had the most vivid dreams. I took a Benadryl last night to help me sleep through the pain and I remember having a couple of dreams so real I could smell, taste, and feel them.
The last part of my dream I remember someone crying. The noise kept getting louder and louder until I finally woke up. I opened my eyes only to hear that that the crying hadn’t stopped. It turns out the patient who was staying in the room next to me had just passed away.
The patient’s family members have been staying here at CTCA for the past two weeks or so. From what I could tell from all of the visitors she had during her final moments, it looked like she was a mother, daughter, wife, sister and grandmother. For the most part all I have been hearing are positive things from patients here that have been cured or are in remission, so this just reminds me and amplifies the reality of cancer and how it touches the lives of many every day.
I spoke with the doctor this morning and it looks like I will be here through Sunday. The reason why I have been here so long is because we are still trying to manage the pain symptoms. The stomach issue seems to have resolved itself and I still sporadically get nausea. However, the pain in my hip is the exact same since day one.
It doesn’t hurt too bad to walk around. The most painful part is switching elevations, getting in and out of bed, sitting up and down, etc. The doctor confirmed that the pain is from mets and NOT a fracture in the iliac bone. At least this is good news.
Since I have switched to methadone and the doctor upped the dosage, we are waiting to see if it helps with pain management. I am told that it takes about five days or so for the pill to take full effect. I am just praying that this is the magic bullet that takes care of the pain in my hip! I am also concerned about the deterioration of the bone. From what I understand, they cannot rebuild the density of the bone but only stop the progression of it being eaten away from the cancer.
Eventually if it becomes too fragile then they will need to input a rod into that area. I am starting to feel like Samuel L. Jackson in that movie “Unbreakable.”
Link to blog: http://themelissawaller.wordpress.com/2009/07/17/waking-up-to-reality/