The team here at EmpowHer gets a lot of questions about orgasms, so if you’re reading this article for personal reasons, you’re not alone! In fact, there was a book published on this topic in 2002 called A New View of Women’s Sexual Problems. Written by professors Ellyn Kaschak and Leonore Tiefer, it states that “women’s sexual problems differ from men’s in basic ways which are not being examined or addressed.” In addition, an estimated 24.1% of women have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Let me be clear that this statistic does NOT apply to sexual arousal; it simply refers to the ability to climax. For this reason, it is important to understand that you are NOT responsible for your inability to orgasm. The cause is not your fault, whether it be a lack of knowledge on the topic, inexperience, or difficulty communicating. But you ARE responsible for fixing the problem and getting your sexual health back on track. It’s a bum deal, but it’s something that many women deal with.
Below, I’ve listed some common factors that prevent orgasm. Then I’ll discuss some strategies for overcoming them.
1) You don’t feel 100% comfortable with doing what works for you. I’ve totally been there! Especially when you first start dating someone, you don’t want to make him or her your “guinea pig” for testing out methods and positions. And you definitely don’t want to scare your partner away, especially if you like the way things are going.
If this is the issue, you should focus on “private practice” for the time being. Masturbate often and figure out what you like, so that when the time comes, you’ll know exactly what pleases you. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself by trying to perform before you’re ready – when the right time comes, you’ll know.
2) You don’t know how to have an orgasm. This is a problem that you’ll need to resolve privately before you attempt to have an orgasm during sex. It is VERY difficult to have an orgasm through intercourse alone for the first time, so if you haven’t had one yet, again I urge you to work on your “private practice.” And don’t hold back in regards to what turns you on. Erotic stories, naked photos, pornographic videos, cybersex, and even romance novels are not out of the question.
It can help to learn about your anatomy before you begin. Research the clitoris, which is directly above your urethra and covered by the little flap of skin that sticks out. (The G-spot is another way to achieve orgasm, but it is a bit more complicated and elusive.) Use either a vibrator or your finger to stroke it along the sides and bottom. Make sure you have some lubrication as well.
Next: Why Can’t I Have an Orgasm? Part II
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Shaina Gaul is a feminist and freelance writer living in Iowa. View more of her writing at http://www.toasterbyte.com.