My heart is heavy, and I am sad. I am on the verge of tears, what seems like all the time. The loss of a loved one is something everyone has to deal with at some point in their life, and most likely multiple times. It is not easy for anyone to get past the sorrow they experience when someone close to them has passed, or is about to die.
While my loss hasn’t happened yet, I’m preparing myself, and grieving in advance because I know it’s coming. Our loss is happening this week, as one of our family pets was diagnosed with malignant melanoma three weeks ago. I work from home, so I literally have watched our beloved Rottweiler/Labrador-mixed dog, Kona, deteriorate from a 90lb., tennis ball-in-mouth constant companion, to his current state at nearly 60lb., miserable, and cancer-ridden. His transformation began earlier this year, and we were oblivious. Life moves fast with two young boys. It’s hard to not feel guilty for not noticing sooner. We knew at 10 ½ years old he was aging, but never expected something like this.
We have our veterinarian coming to our house on Wednesday morning to perform the euthanasia procedure. I had no idea they would do that until a friend mentioned she had heard of it, so I asked. I hope it will be a more humane experience than carrying our sick pet to the vet's office and placing him on an operating table. I am nervous still, I have never had to do this before.
It was always Mom & Dad’s job to take care of the sick pets. As an adult and a mom, this is the hardest part of being a responsible one, knowing when to say goodbye and let your “child” go. Similarly, it breaks your heart to see one of your family in pain, regardless of if it's human or furry. It can bring the rest of your family closer together, it does not make the actual happening any easier.
My mind tells me, “It’s a dog, why are you so emotional?” But according to a MedicineNet.com article on grief, loss and bereavement, “When considering the loss of a loved one, the effects of losing a pet should not be minimized.” It goes on to say how pets often, and in our case, are considered a true part of the family. Our pets were our kids before we had our boys, so the loss is one that definitely will be grieved. Especially with the added stress of euthanasia, when it is necessary to save a pet from unnecessary suffering, be it caused by injury, sickness, or effects of old age. It's that double edged sword, you don't want to have to do it, but you also don't want them to be hurting.
I suspect that it will be a while before I can see a dog with the black and tan coloring like Kona without wanting to burst into tears. According to the online article, this is called a grief trigger. It can be caused by seeing or hearing something that reminds you of the loss.
Additionally, our impending loss has me thinking about mortality in general, and projecting about when our parents will die, when our other dog will die, and how I will cope. I know it’s not good to project, but it’s hard not to. I guess this is just how humans process emotions and role play situations to seem prepared.
According to the articles on grief, it’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotions you are experiencing. One article even stated that you should set aside 20min. per day to meditate (in a way) and just let those feelings flow in and out of you so you can then regain focus and composure to tackle the rest of the day. You even could nap those 20min., but not to let yourself wallow in the bad feelings for too long.
Exercise and eating right also is good at a time when you’re grieving. Although when your heart aches it’s often hard to eat. It’s especially important to eat, and comfort foods are OK within reason, but only as a small portion of a healthy diet.
Visit your place of worship and pray for your loss and other’s losses. You also could volunteer your time at a local shelter, or at a charity supporting your favorite cause. Giving of yourself can help you to have empathy for others’ hardships, and help you feel better as well.
There are several other things you can do as you work through grief, but one of the most important, I think, is to remember happy times about the loved one and share those with friends or relatives you are close to. You may even want to take time to create a scrap book or photo album of your loved one, or write down those memories. Replacing feelings of loss with memories of happiness can help you have hope that happy times will return soon. Hope can carry you through the darkest of times.
Resources:
"Grief: Loss of a loved one," MedicineNet.com article
http://www.medicinenet.com/loss_grief_and_bereavement/article.htm
Christine Jeffries is a writer/editor for work and at heart, and lives in a home of testosterone with her husband and two sons. She started a women’s group, The Wo-Hoo! Society, in the interests of friendship, networking, and philanthropy. The group meets separately on a monthly basis in the Phoenix and Kansas City areas. Christine is interested in women’s health and promoting strong women.