On Friday, my husband and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage. That may seem a short time to some like my parents who have been married for 40+ years, but we do have something to share. We have come a long way from our chance meeting in Scottsdale, Arizona. We met the day before Cinco de Mayo in 2001; he bought me a Pyramid Hefeweizen and asked if he could take me to dinner sometime. I gave him my business card, then promptly forgot his name even though I hoped he’d call.
We have been virtually inseparable since, and can say we are experiencing “wedded bliss.”
This however, is not my first marriage. I was married in my late 20s—I was much different then. Looking back, I didn’t know what I was doing being married, and it’s a good thing I didn’t marry even earlier because I could be on my 3rd marriage by now. Luckily, I knew enough to not marry in my early 20s because I was not ready any more than when I was 27.
When I married Sean, my current husband, I was ready. At 34, I knew full-well who I was and what I wanted. As a couple we knew what we want, and what’s important to us. I firmly believe that those elements have helped us be happy in marriage. It has not been all wine and roses, but close enough for us. So here’s five things we’ve learned so far. We really created this list together:
1. It’s important to marry someone you enjoy spending time with. There is a lot of day-to-day drudgery in co-habitating, and it multiplies when raising a family together. So you need to like and respect the person you’re going through it with outside of the bedroom; it just makes the hardest times easier, and the easy times more fun to share.
2. Enjoy the little things. Life happens in a lot of that drudgery, so you should learn to cherish it all and not wish it away focusing on the next big milestone. In other words, be present or you’ll miss it all.
3. Nurture intimacy. Closeness comes from being sexual with each other. It also, however comes from creating romance in knowing your partner, and figuring out what speaks to them emotionally. That takes work and it never stops, or the relationship could easily slip into a coma-like state.
4. Talk about dreams and hopes together. The business of life has a way of overshadowing everything. Connect with your partner often to know where you’re going together and figuring out what’s real and what can be accomplished.
5. Have a team spirit when it comes to money. Many couples bicker over money, and some eventually break-up over it. Build a financial plan together that works for both partners so you can reach your goals. We have found that having one account that is for paying household bills, and then another account for discretionary funds works for us. We also save what little we can so it will build up over time.
The past 5 years has been more happy than sad for us. We have withstood some hardships, but they’ve been short-lived. We’ve made some good choices, and a definite high point was welcoming our sons into our life together. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world for the life we have together.
A number of years ago, I found a card in a local Hallmark store that showed an old couple standing in what seemed to be their front yard. The message was something to the effect of, “Uncle Charlie gives marriage advice, and says that the way to a long marriage is to never split.” Thinking of that makes me giggle a little, and I know at the heart of that simple statement is a lot of truth. I want to be that old couple someday.
Are you married? What are your tips for a long and happy marriage?
Christine Jeffries is a writer/editor for work and at heart, and lives in a home of testosterone with her husband and two young sons. She started a women's group, The Wo-Hoo! Society, in the interests of friendship, networking, and philanthropy. The group meets separately on a monthly basis in the areas of Phoenix and Kansas City. Christine is interested in women's health and promoting strong women.