"Alright, everyone in the car!” This is my daily battle cry. Unfortunately, many days there are too many battles (“No, I don’t know where your soccer ball is! Did you forget your saxophone? What is that car funk smell? What do you mean, you don’t have shoes on?”) and way too much crying before we ever get out the driveway. Many of us feel stress, but how much of our stress is felt by our children?
A recent American Psychological Association survey of 1,568 adults aged 18+ and for the first time included 1,206 young people aged 8-17 years, reported that we are all feeling stress. It showed 75% of adults feel moderate to high stress and most children reported stress too.
What is interesting, is that many parents did not feel that their child had stress or recognized that their children had physical symptoms from stress. 63% of the parents surveyed said they believed their stress levels had slight or no influence on their child’s stress levels. In fact, 91% of children reported that they had stress with many reporting physical symptoms and that their stress was related to their parents’ stress.
Children Reported Physical Symptoms Related to Stress
Left are 8-12 yr olds TWEENS
Right are 13-17 year olds TEENS
This compares what the children actually reported vs what their parents thought that they would report.
30%/42% say they get headaches vs. 13% of parents
39%/49% cite difficulty sleeping vs. 13% of parents
27%/39% report eating too much or too little vs. 8% of parents
What are 5 common things our children stress out about?
1. 44% /43% worry about doing well in school
2. 28%/31% worry about family having enough money
3. 5%/29% getting in to a good college
4. 17%/26% how they look/weigh
5. 22% /11% getting along with friends
5 Stress Busters for Kids
1. Be available and set the low stress example:
85% of kids surveyed said they were not comfortable talking to Mom or Dad because parents are so busy. Get off the computer or the cell phone or blackberry and be available to your child so you can really listen to them. It is often not advice than children need, but to be heard.
Contrary to what one might think, kids were not so stressed about their abundant activities, but their parents’ reaction to those activities. They worry about Mom freaking out in the car ride to the event more than the event itself. (Guilty as charged)
2.Be honest:
Children know when parents are upset. Sometimes their fears are worse than reality. Explain to them the situation and reassure them that your family unit will be OK. If it means we lose the house, we still do not lose each other. Working together the family can solve any problem. As my old Sicilian friend Marianna told her boys. Family are like toothpicks. Alone they break easily. Together they are strong. A fist full of toothpicks cannot be broken. It is important to feel that the family is together as a one.
3. Eat healthy on a regular basis:
Little people and growing children need to eat frequently, more like 6 times a day. Fruits and vegetables help detox the body. When you put garbage in like processed and fast food you get garbage out and increase stress.
4. Exercise:
Exercise is the best antidepressant, anti-anxiety, anti-stress remedy for everyone. Get kids away from the screens (TV, computers, video games) and MOVE! Even better, play (without being critical of performance) with your child which will make for physical fun as well as provide a more relaxed time for children to open up and talk.
5.Routine & Rules:
Regular bedtime promotes better sleep, which is critical in reducing stress. Children also need clear boundaries and consistent rules. Knowing what to expect greatly reduces stress.
Everyday is an overbooked crazy day but the way we respond to it can make the difference between stress and sanity. Please check out my blog from last year for other stress busters especially as we approach the holidays!