I read a few of the posts here...trying to gain insight in to my own situation. I've seen some vehement comments about porn and masturbation when the partner is willing.
I have a WAY different take on this; granted a guy's side. I have a wife willing to 'satisfy' me but actively seems to avoid any satisfaction of her own. So she resists my touch and my strident desire to please her but quite willing is open to having sex with me to keep me happy. And she does this with a sincere smile on her face.
I have to tell you that that is not a satisfying relationship for me and likely most guys. We really do want to please our ladies. Take that away from us and really what do we have? It is a huge deal to be able to satisfy your partner. So for me, heading to porn and masturbating makes it easier to get that quick relief than have to go through what is tantamount to rejection when I do try to please my partner. I think most guys do not just want to get off, we want to please our partners way more than you might think.
We've been together for more than 20 years and it has been this way for a long time. I've resigned myself to this path...some days are just more frustrating/depressing than others. And other days it is 'work' not to get angry about it.
Does this make sense?