In the heat of the moment it's too easy to feel that rush of passion, like Poseiden's waterfall of desire, translate into your hitherto unbenownst desire for fifty years of marital bliss, four or five grandchildren and a niche cafe keeping the two of you cozily occupied, together, during your retirement years.
Now, actually, is the time to slow down. I'm not a huge proponent of killing the moment, if it is, actually, an enjoyable rush of desire and not a face-melting, mind-altering, alcohol-induced advertising moment... but even if you're hot for each other, you have every right to manage the timing of things.
At the point of stepping back, some make the mistake of thinking in black and white terms, i.e.: I'm taking a break from this intensity so that means:
a) there's something wrong with me
b) there's without question something wrong with you
c) there's possibly and most likely probably something wrong, or there inevitably WILL BE something wrong with US.
Nay, sister, relax your multiple choice quiz mentality and take a deep breath. Elongating the moment of passion is a kinder, sweeter way of talking with yourself about the cessation of the rush, of the headlong dive. Just stop the negativity, the convincing of yourself that this is slowing down due to wrongness and consider this:
It's possible, isn't it, that this IS the perfect relationship for you, isn't it? If that's the case, where's the fire? Not that getting swept off of your feet isn't divine, especially if he really knows how to use a broom, and all, but, really you can have him over twice a week instead of four for a couple of weeks, can't you? And if it's obsessive texting or phone calls, tone it down. Obsessional thinking is part of the excitement of early love, but if it becomes a habit, it can be quite imbalanced and unhealthy.
When I was 10, I had long, wavy brown hair, practically down to my waist. Once, at a hairdresser's with my mother, I impulsively decided I wanted a very short haircut and to just get rid of it. My mother was uncertain as to how to react. Being very open minded she sort of looked at me aghast - not because I would have short hair but that I would hate it immediately and regret the impulsive decision I'd made in the moment.
The hairdresser, a wise and experienced guru, looked at me and said, simply, "Sweetie, you need to wait a week, at least, maybe two. Just think about it. I'm not going to do it today. If you still want it, come back then."
Having always prized the knowledge, life experience and wisdom of hairdressers over almost anyone else, particularly those with flexible schedules and loads of records and books who hung out in the East Village in the late 1970's, I repeat this gem for the lovelorn or lustladen among us. Just because you want IT NOW, doesn't mean that's the best decision.
Yet it may be. Just wait a couple of weeks.
Because, the moral of the story is, I DID think about cutting my hair for a week and I still wanted, badly, to do it. And after two, I begged my mother to take me back and it was everything I'd hoped for, and more.
Aimee Boyle lives with someone she fell head over heels in love with and married quickly, and contemplates cutting her hair on the shoreline of CT.