How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
1 - You forgot to feed the dog; he woke me up at four in the morning.
2 - I thought you were paying the electricity bill this month, and by the way, what were you doing at midnight with all that electricity?
3 - I'm tired, so no, I can't talk to you about my schedule. I don't even remember my name right now.
4 - I'll tell you later, it's not important.
If this is how you spend you precious moments with your spouse, partner, main squeeze, it's okay! Welcome to life! Sprinkling your romance with little droplets of reality here and there is important-how could you not? However, do you really remember to sprinkle the love potion on there as well? Do you still cuddle up to him in an unscheduled manner? Or do you pencil in sex, cuddling and talking time? Do you stroke his cheek, ego, back just because because it may feel good to him and not just because you want something or are thanking him for something?
If you live long enough you begin to realize you're not actually nearly as nice as you may have once thought you were. If you live with someone for long enough, you may actually realize that you're not at all nicer to them than they are to you, ever.
The point is, it's vitally important to make the most out of the precious moments we have together, without, of course, pressuring yourself and making yourself feel like you're competing with some fictional version of a happy marital partner.
Here are some tips for making the romantic, loving, energizing aspects of your loving relationship pop, sparkle and shine like that gorgeous floor he just walked over with his muddy shoes:
- Though you may not have seen him all day and have something really important issues to talk with him about, don't open up with it. Take a few moments to hug, hold his hand, kiss, and start talking about fun, light hearted things. This is will relax you and bring out your love for each other. You love him, not the fact that he's going to pick the kids up at 7:30. Although reminding him is, of course, important.
- Remind yourself to be your exhausted self around him. Honesty is everything! Be tired if you're tired, because pretending to be chipper or trying on four different silky get ups when you just want to lay down is going to make you irritable. This irritability will lead to an argument or a fight of some kind. Don't go there. Tell him instead, "My darling, I'm so exhausted. Will you just lay down with me and we can talk here in the horizontal position for a few minutes?" It will be marvelous!
-Do activities that are not goal-oriented. These are the most fun, the most conducive to love and the most relaxing activities to do with a lover. Walk together instead of training for that five mile run. You know, the loop around the neighborhood is wonderful, but put down the barbells and just hold hands.
Finally, tell him simple truths; that you missed him during the day, that you were really looking forward to seeing him, that you feel happier now that he's with you.
It may sound corny but, you know, corn is nature's candy.
Aimee Boyle shucks and jives in CT