Hello,
I'm new here and really feel comfortable and like the community. Therefore I'd like to ask for some help for a piece of mind.
I have been married for almost 10 years. My husband and I have had our ups and downs. When we first got married he had a big box full or nude magazines. His explanation was that it was a “college project” he did in school. He seemed fine about it. Like he didn’t need them anymore, I didn’t insist on throwing them out but it just happened.
From that point on I’d see pornos and nude magazines around “us.” They weren’t mine so I’d ask (confront him) and he’d deny it saying he was holding them for his brothers. He doesn’t work at home, there would be times when he’d be in his office and he’d close the door. There’s no point for him to do that. When I’d prop the door open he’d close the window. I would catch a glimpse of it and ask him and of course he claims it was a computer “virus” pop-up.
He had an email [email protected]’d have a ton of porn emails. He claimed he opened up that email so his brothers could use it. So I said if your not using it and they have their own now let’s close it out. He obliged. A week later he opens up a new email sexbetter@....
This week I found a few nude magazines hidden in his office and 8 porno DVDs hidden. He’s got a lot of porno clips on his hard drive too.
Everytime and anytime I confront him he’d get VERY defensive and things would get so bad he’d throw things and break down the entire house. He says I don’t trust him and believe anything he’s saying. I have told him before I only want the truth from him, he can continue to watch them if he’d like but I don’t want him to lie to me or hide anything from me.
I’ve told him we can watch it together if he’d like. Of course he says he is not into that stuff and it’s not his. I know that I’m the first love-interest in his life and first girl he’s ever been with. I haven’t confronted him about the DVDs and magazines I recently found because I know all hell would break loose if I did.
I don’t take this as he’s cheating. I can’t stand that he’s hiding this and lying to me all the time. He won’t go tor consider counseling. I feel I can’t ignore this anymore because it hurts me to know he’s in denial, hiding something and lying to me. I can’t bottle this up.
He doesn’t like it when I wear shirts that show too much of my neck yet he likes watching girls who are hanging out all over the place. He’s always talking about how slutty certain girls look but he enjoys watching them. We have (what I believe to be) a healthy sex life. I mean 2-3 times a week. However he only wants to do it when he initiates it, not me. With all this and how he is around me, it’s like he’s 2 different people.
I am very positive the pornos and magazines are his. I can’t accept the fact that he’ll deny it for the rest of our lives. I am pretty sure he loves me. Pretty sure because how can you lie and hide something from someone you love therefore hurting them so much.
Is this some sort of addiction or personality problem? How should I approach this or get him to admit the truth to me? I want to help him through this and be supportive but he looks at it as me accusing him and I don't want things to end.
Thanks for your time!"