Recently, I got into a fight with a friend over the generalization that men love differently than women. This friend asserted that men “love” with a more base, animalistic fire than women. He argued that men are biologically predisposed to experience raw, purely tactile sexual interaction, whereas a woman’s love is gentler, less self-serving and inextricably tied to emotion. Somewhat offended, I countered his statements with a reprimand that simplified interpretations of gender lead to trouble. I was adamant that women can think with their vaginas just as easily as men can think with their penises, socially constructed identities do not equate types of biological sexuality, and any person who assumes men and women cannot experience sex equally, is guilty of feminist treason.
While I stand firm behind my allegation that not all men or all women make love in a certain way, I’ve been thinking more carefully about the biological differences between the genders. Finally, I realized that sweeping statements aside, men and women are actually built to have sex differently! (Duh, Hannah.) And it has nothing to do with feminism.
This conclusion necessitated a discussion on female sexual arousal and satisfaction. While I’m unconvinced that women can’t be just as animalistic and sexually selfish as society portrays men to be, (of course, not all men behave the way our hyper-sexual media depicts them) I do accept that most women, including myself, need more than simple tactile stimulation to reach orgasm.
While, just like the penis, a woman’s clitoris can become “erect” during manual stimulation, this doesn’t mean women are able to climax from sheer contact. (If you can – congratulations; I’m jealous.) Instead, most women’s brains must also be engaged in intimacy. It’s much more difficult for a woman to remain aroused if she is in an environment that is not conducive to her sexual excitement, and for whatever reasons this is much less of a problem for men. If she is stressed or anxious, embarrassed or uncomfortable, it is very likely that her brain will override feelings of pleasure unless she is consciously focusing her mental energy on not thinking. (Which is as difficult as it sounds.) Therefore, while it’s incorrect to assume, as many do, that women require more of an emotional connection than men during sex, it’s safe to say that women enjoy the experience more if they are respected, relaxed and turned on holistically; more than the quick rubdown a male partner is usually satisfied with.
It’s also important to note that unlike men, sexual penetration (especially missionary) does not often result in a female orgasm. News to you? Stay tuned for the next article on how to best map out your orgasm.