We put such a high emphasis on sexual chemistry, sexual satisfaction, and sexual compatibility that I believe, sometimes, we lose sight almost completely of just straight-up affection. I am not, in any way, downplaying the importance of compatibility in the sexual arena, because, well, I know how mighty it is.... I am just exploring the importance of compatibility when it comes to affection as well.
Some people, for example, just don't like to hold hands when they walk down the road with their lover. Others do. Sometimes one wanting to and the other not can lead to tremendous issues, problems, feelings of rejection, pain and awkwardness. Sometimes one person will literally walk ahead of the other person in the street, and the person left behind will be walking quickly to catch up, wishing they were walking side by side, maybe holding hands or with their arms around one another? It's true. It may seem simple but this level of affection is crucial and compatibility or lack thereof, in this area can make or break a relationship.
The perfect example for me, is the following: In my previous relationship, we were out of sync in terms of affection. No matter what the mood between us was, holding hands was awkward at best and just didn't happen mostly. I was often, frequently left in the dust as my partner trudged ahead of me whether we were walking along the beach, in the middle of a vacation in Louisiana, or hurrying to the subway in NYC. I simply never felt we were doing anything together, at the same pace, in unison.
This carried over into the bedroom where, while we had a comfortable enough bed, it was never big enough. Finally at the largest size, some years into our relationship, a California King Size bed still didn't seem big enough - with all the tossing, turning, awkward feelings and lack of compatibility, we couldn't get far enough away from each other. I was a cuddler and he was not, and never the twain shall meet.
When I went off on my own, purchasing furniture was a profound experience for me. Not only did I want to be comfortable, I also wanted to be alone or, if not alone, with someone I could be compatible with. I decided that I would buy a Queen sized bed, because, on my own it was plenty big enough, and if I were to share, I decided I wanted to share it with someone who felt it was big enough too.
The first few nights with my Then-New-Boyfriend who is Now-My-Husband were so full of magic and homecoming, having more to do with the bed not being one iota too small than anything else. Here was a large human being, larger than my previous relationship partner had been, full of life and love and strength, wanting to wrap and twist his limbs with mine through the night, engaging in a full-on sleep cuddle that made me happier than all the California Kings on earth. When compatibility at the affection level strikes, it's a nurturing and acceptance never before felt; the strangeness dissolves and the warmth permeates.
Similarly, if you are a non-cuddler, you really need to be up front about it and let your partner know. It's very, very easy for a cuddler to feel hurt and rejected and take it deeply personally if affection or their level of affection is just not your thing. So if you are uncomfortable with PDA, with cuddling at night, with spontaneous touches, with anything, honesty can save both of you a great deal of misunderstanding and pain.
Aimee Boyle snuggles up with gratitude and sometimes even in a Twin bed, in all seriousness.