Current sex research shows that there are strong positive associations between sexual satisfaction and overall relationship satisfaction. In fact, when couples are feeling sexually dissatisfied in their relationships, “marital-therapy that focuses on nonsexual relationship issues results in significant increases in sexual satisfaction.” (Source below). This can be generalized to include non-married couples as well.
Communication is definitely the key to long-term happiness, and it continues to be the link between both relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. In a recent survey of adults over 45 years of age, “roughly two-thirds report they discuss sexual satisfaction with their partner, but only about half say they are satisfied with their sex life.”
What would help increase satisfaction with sex?
Regardless of age, those with a regular sex partner are more satisfied with their sex life than those who do not have a regular sex partner, according to the research. (Source below). Other factors include: “better health for themselves or their partner, less stress, and more initiative from their partner when it comes to having sex”. Fortunately, only 4 percent of men and women surveyed stated the reason for their sexual dissatisfaction was “wanting a different partner”, and only 2 percent wanted “more partners”.
When women are concerned about the “lack of sexual satisfaction” in their relationship, what are they really worried about?
Many women and men are concerned about their overall sex life once the frequency declines. Prior to this occurring, satisfaction may be declining, but it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what is wrong; it is difficult to explain to our partner what it is that we need. We tell our partners that we are “not satisfied” in global, all-or-nothing phrases, but it is much easier to try to improve smaller aspects of a relationship when you are not feeling like “everything” is wrong. There are many types of sexual satisfaction, and by identifying your needs, it may be easier to talk with your partner.
To identify your needs, use the questions below as a “self quiz” to determine what aspects of your sexual relationship are fulfilling, and what areas you would like to improve.
Sexual Satisfaction “Quiz”
For questions 1 and 2, use the rating scale below:
1=very satisfied, 2=mostly satisfied, 3=somewhat satisfied, 4=seldom satisfied, 5=not at all satisfied
1. Rate your Physical Sexual Satisfaction
2. Rate your Emotional Sexual Satisfaction
3. Rate your Overall Relationship
Rate each choice below with 5 as the strongest, and 1 as the lowest
4. Identify your Scores
Once you identify your scores, you can find specific areas to discuss with your partner, instead of “global” complaints that can lead to defensiveness and frustration. You can also focus on the positive and satisfying aspects of your sex life, as many times we focus narrowly on a few physical satisfaction aspects, and forget entirely that we may be emotionally satisfied sexually. When you talk with your partner about your sexual satisfaction, be sure to “sandwich” just one “needs improvement” item between two “positive” items for better results, as it is a message that would be easier to receive and discuss. Avoid laundry lists of the negative, and just mention one or two aspects that you feel would greatly improve your sex life with your partner, and be open to receive similar feedback!
I would love to hear your stories, and hear your “scores”. Are you planning to talk with your partner about your sexual satisfaction, and if so, are you willing to have your partner take the quiz as well?
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