There was a time when it would have been at the very least laughable and at the most disturbing to have a young lady formerly involved in pornography to then don lovely clothing and march herself into the limelight as a legitimate actress.
There were a few who tried and failed to regroup, or reciting more than one word lines, laying down metaphors, creating characters who didn't even undress, and guiding a story arc.
Now there is one actress in particular who is pushing the boundaries of our media minds and taking her role as a porn star into the stratosphere of Hollywood and HBO. Sasha Grey has consistently made the point that pornographic performing was and is her idea for herself, that it's a way of exploring her sexuality, that she's totally in control.
Critics and those who would protect the integrity of all have doubted her words, feeling she's fooling herself and trying to fool everyone else by stating that she's not only all right, but that she likes this type of work, and that she's not a victim.
My observation of this situation is still unfolding. There's a part of me that's rooting for her like crazy, for if she pulls off the magic feat of becoming an actual movie or television star--one who doesn't always play herself or some version of a prostitute or porn star but begins playing roles in which she is a mom, a sister, a lawyer, a cop, a waitress, or anyone real, it will be nothing short of a sort of media miracle. She will essentially be thumbing her nose at all the nay sayers who have separated porn from the rest of life and relegated porn stars to the back alleys of the media.
But what interests me even more is the denial in our culture. In the minds of some heterosexual men, a porn star is the ultimate sexual fantasy, but the would never want to seriously date or marry one. They're too dirty, after all. This split in the psyche of our society, this madonna/whore division puts someone like our porn star attempting to go legit in a very grey area. After all, if we're used to the dirty girls staying in their dirty world while the "legitimate" actresses stay in theirs, how dare she try and straddle both worlds, muddying everything up, causing us to see her in our world? Even the term "legitimate" implies the long history of illegality and taboo, underground and red light qualities of pornography which now, thanks to the internet, is more and more a part of our every day lives.
And, as a mother, I'm deeply concerned. As my children grow and begin to enjoy movies with interesting plots, what if this young lady becomes a "real" actress and ends up as the lead in a wonderful movie. In learning about her, as my friends and I used to learn about our favorite actors, will my children discover, simply by doing a Google search, what she has done in the past? Will pornographic images of her come up onto the screen?
These questions and more enter my mind as the seemingly endless circus plays on in television, film and on the internet. Short of going "off the grid" I'm just not certain there's any way to stop caring about it completely.
Aimee Boyle lives and writes in CT. She is a regular contributor to EmpowHER.