It's really not your fault. No, I'm not trying to get you off the hook and of course you can, through meditation, reading, yoga, therapy, talking with friends, doing work on yourself, etc, improve but, in the long run, it's not your fault. You feel anger and hatred because you're human which, essentially means you're a mammal and, like all mammals, you have a fight or flight response to stress of any kind. Without a constant supply of grooming and affection like the bonobo monkeys or a herd to keep you calm like elephants, buffalo, and horses, you are bound to get a little, well, tweaked.
But anger and hatred can bring you way, way down, can lead to depression and aggression, can lead to self destructive behaviors and destructive behaviors toward others. It can lead to cigarette smoking and alcoholism, drug abuse and child abuse, bad relationships, financial ruin, divorce, death and a lowered immune system.
So what can we do about this?
For one thing, remember it's not your fault, you're designed like a hybrid, half monkey, half, well, we still don't know yet what the other half is. Much speculation and literature has expounded upon it for generations.
For another, let things go. Even if they seem like big things. Start with every day stressors like getting everyone up and out of the house on time. Just start earlier and keep breathing. If someone is late it is going to be all right. I am not suggesting you stop showing up for work on time or that the children don't need to complete their homework but release the tension of these things somewhat so that your anger and hatred don't have a chance to take root.
Another good thing to do is to talk to everyone. Take a chance of sounding like you're in nursery school and explicitly explain to your lover, children, teachers, colleagues or whomever:
"I need to talk to you about the schedule. I am going to try to make time for _____ and I need you to _______ to help me so that things can run more smoothly." You can do this on a regular basis. People may think you're being overly simplistic but in time it will pay off. You will get more cooperation and assistance from the people in your life, and you will be able to communicate without freaking out.
Daily practice of calming down, taking time for yourself when you can, and finding relaxing activities also reduce stress, anxiety, and, subsequently, anger and hatred. Exercise and reading, playing or listening to music and talking with good friends can all bring your stress level way down.
And remember, negative thinking can be turned around with a little effort and commitment to your own health and life. Negative thinking is a normal, natural part of life but it is up to us to find some ways of reducing it to enjoy the time that we have.
Aimee Boyle is a mother, teacher and writer, contributing regularly to EmpowHER.