Online dating has become the 21st century method of finding a friend, significant other, and soulmate. Unfortunately, it also means exposure to another aspect of cyber-crime and those who are only out there to woo you into giving them thousands of dollars.
These people steal other peoples’ pictures off the internet, make up fake profiles, fake scenarios, fake educational histories, and/or fake jobs all in an effort to get you emotionally involved only so that they can take advantage of you.
Keep Your Heart Safe
In "Online Dating: Set your Predator Radar", I provided a list of warning signs or things to look for when browsing profiles that should alert you to the fact that the person whose picture appears on the screen may not be who you’re corresponding with. In this article, I’m going to give you a list of suggested questions to ask if you are asked to instant message (chat) or correspond with someone you might be suspicious of, as well as other pointers.
Keeping your heart safe means you have to be vigilant and on your toes. These people will prey on those whom they suspect to be vulnerable and they may do it to somebody else if you don’t find the fraudster out and report them.
Revealing Questions
1) Some online sites show you the ID of the person who is trying to instant message you. This gives you a chance to review their profile before clicking “yes” to accept the invitation. Take note of height/weight in particular, education and profession and amount of income for that particular profession. Take note of their interests what they like to read, where they went to school, what kind of music they like to listen to, where they’ve traveled…these are all bits of ammunition you can use to get back at the scammer.
2) If their profile details don’t match their picture, report it. For example: a picture of an short, older, heavy-set man when the profile details read 6’0”, 120 pounds, and he’s under 40 years of age, be suspicious; sometimes these are the most fun to figure out though through chatting.
3) If the profile doesn’t mention it, ask them where they were born, where they went to school/attained their degree. While you’re chatting, verify that the school they mention actually offers that degree or program by checking that school’s website. Watch out for these tip offs:
a. Says he was born on the east coast but attended schools on the west coast and yet claims he’s never left the east - I had one guy claim to be from New Jersey and insist that he’d lived there all his life and yet the high school he mentioned attending was in California.
b. Says he’s lived his life in the U.S., but didn’t attend an American university that offered the same course - I had one who claimed he attended Oxford for Science and Engineering when I knew many American universities offered the same course. When I asked why, he said it was a “nice place to study”. Not a good enough answer for me. When I asked him why he didn’t choose an American university he quickly replied that he went to Lincoln. I asked which was it, he insisted that he meant he got one degree at Lincoln and another degree at Oxford, which was clearly not what he said at all.
c. Lists a bunch of musical artists that don’t jive with the type of music his profile indicates – I had one that stated his favorite music was Christian, but all the “favorite musicians” he indicated in his profile were non-Christian. Or mentions liking a certain type of books. I had one that claimed to be from Texas and liked to read romances. I didn’t buy that. Pounce on this type of information whether you believe it to be true or not. Ask him who his favorite writers are, or favorite titles/books are. It is a bonus if his profile mentions a genre you’re familiar with, so you will know whether or not he actually does read books of that subject matter.
d. If it’s a long distance contact, ask him to tell you about the city he lives in. As a bonus, have open in another window, the Wikipedia page or other information on the city he claims to be from. This way you will know a little something and can tell if he’s just copying information. Be specific in your questions: Tell me something about X that doesn’t appear on Wikipedia? Someone who lives there should know the name of little cafés or bistros, or what the view is like from the boardwalk at a certain time of day. If he replies, “What would you like to know?” after asking such a specific question, you know he’s probably lying. *Note* Beware of anyone claiming any connection whatsoever with Nigeria and fails many of your questioning attempts.
4) Beware if he doesn’t answer your questions about him directly. Be specific. What church do you attend? What have you learned from past relationships? What do you do in your spare time? What’s your favorite Bible verse, and why? (This is a great one if you’re looking for a Christian guy, but probably works for anyone of a religion that has a sacred text – I decided to check the biblical reference for a favorite verse and found that the verse number didn’t exist.)
5) Beware if he starts asking for information that will reveal who you are before you really know him. Questions like: What are your children’s names? How old are they? What’s your email address?
6) Beware of those who within a few minutes want to chat “off list”. Their conversations can’t be tracked by the online dating site that way.
7) Don’t only beware of those who ask for money, beware of those who offer you money. Believe it or not I had a gentleman from overseas offer me a shopping allowance if I would be his and be a mother to his motherless son.
Know what to do
Knowing what to do is critical in every situation where someone might be out to try to make a victim out of you. Online dating is no different. You may not be in a bar with the risk of someone slipping something into your drink, but there are guys out there just looking to take advantage of you, your kindness, and your need to be loved. You need to be able to protect yourself.
If you’re considering joining an online dating site evaluate first why you want to do it, whether or not you’re really ready (particularly if you’re coming out of an unsuccessful relationship), and consider very carefully the type of guy you’re looking for (be realistic) and keep to those ideals.
Keep your wits about you, know what signs to look for and what questions to ask, and you will keep your heart, wallet and self-esteem safe.