Sex is great when everything is going well. When things are not going as planned, or you begin having symptoms that concern you or your partner, who do you talk to? Do you feel comfortable talking with your doctor about your concerns, fears or questions about sex?
The good news: it is possible to have a good conversation with your doctor about your sexual health, and all it takes is a little planning (and admittedly, a little courage too):
1. Find the Right Doctor. For many women, this would either be their gynecologist or primary health care provider. In order to have a good, honest, open and helpful discussion, you must find a health care provider with these same qualities. Trust, comfort and a non-judgmental attitude are must-have characteristics as well, and if your doctor does not have these basic, yet essential, traits, you may need to first find a doctor who does.
2. Prepare for your Appointment. Take time to write a journal, detailed notes or "symptom diary" to bring with you to the doctor. It can be difficult during a routine visit to remember all of your questions and concerns, and personally, my symptoms seem to fade when I'm sitting on the examination table! I have left a few appointments shrugging off symptoms or down-playing previous concerns, just to have my symptoms return once I get home. Be brave and have it in writing.
3. Effective Communication During your Appointment. A written list of symptoms, concerns and questions also serves as a signal to your doctor that you will need some of his/her time. Don't worry about taking too long, as most routine appointments are only scheduled for 15 minute increments, and your doctor will let you know if there is not enough time. It is best to be proactive and call the office before your appointment to ensure enough time is allotted. If you feel rushed, don't take it personally, or as a sign that your doctor is insensitive. Simply let your doctor know, "I need more time to discuss my concerns/symptoms/questions. May I make a follow up appointment or phone consultation with either you, your nurse or physician assistant?”
Make sure that you not only include the physical symptoms in your written notes, but also the mental, emotional and relational impacts as well. How have your symptoms or concerns been impacting your overall wellness and quality of life on a daily basis? Are your relationships, emotional health, sleep or other areas negatively affected?
Most importantly, know that your doctor has "heard it all" in regards to sexual health and reproductive health concerns. You may feel embarrassed, but your doctor should not be. Your doctor is there to help you.
Common topics to talk with your doctor may include (but are not limited to): sexually transmitted infections or diseases (STI/STD), pain during intercourse, birth control, pregnancy planning, fertility/infertility, abusive relationships, peri-menopause, menopause, pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS), vaginal discharge, extreme changes in your mood or weight, hormone testing, alcohol or other drug use (including tobacco), sex drive concerns or vulvar pain.
Lastly, if you are experiencing any type of pain, click on the link below for a helpful tool to communicate the type of pain you are experiencing with your doctor. It is the most comprehensive “pain diary” I have found: International Pelvic Pain Society (IPPS) questionnaire. (just click on your language preference to download the file to your computer)
Tell Us:
Have you ever communicated with your doctor about a sexual or reproductive health question that you were embarrassed by? We would love to hear about your experience, as it could help other women learn how to effectively communicate with their health care practitioner as well.