The past few articles on online dating have dealt with preventing you from becoming a victim of online dating scammers, as well as making sure you’re actually ready for a new relationship. But what if you already are a victim?
There are a whole slew of emotions that need to be addressed. My hope is that this article will help close the door on this issue for you and help build you up again for a healthy relationship you deserve.
“How could I be so gullible?"
Those of you who have been through it know this question. It’s the question you’ve asked yourself a million times in addition to everyone else asking you once you’ve told them your story. Some people are lucky and only have to deal with the emotional issues. Others have to deal with the financial ramifications that come from believing what they were told and believing that they were really helping someone in need.
“How could you fall in love with someone you’ve never met?”
“How could you fall for his lies?”
“How could you not see them for what they were?”
“Are you really that desperate for love?”
The problem with these questions are they all have to do with you when the issue really isn’t you to begin with. Deep down we all believe that most people have good in them. We don’t want to think a person is a liar right from the first few words of their messages to us.
When you're looking for Mr. Right, you’re not looking for a liar. You’re looking for a sensitive, caring man who likes muscle cars or motorcycles, likes to cook, and thinks you’re pretty. There’s nothing wrong with that. Really.
The only problem with that is that these guys who are out to scam you also know that’s what you want, and will create a profile that’s designed to draw you in and make you feel special and loved. They’ve created a lifestyle for themselves out of making victims out of unsuspecting men and women.
There’s not really much to do about the loss of money, if you’re experience has taken you that far. The only answer to these questions is to be aware now of the scheme, and not let them make you or anyone else a victim. Report these guys to the online dating sites. There are a number of online dating support groups as well where these lies can be exposed.
The trick is to be careful without being paranoid and closing yourself off from the real, nice guy that pops up on your screen.
“Is that all I’m good for – scammers?”
Besides the pocketbook and the guilt trip we and others place on us, the biggest impact is on our self-esteem. The main reason for going on one of these sites is to find someone to love and someone to love us--eventually.
At the heart, many hope that their experience will be one of love at first sight, but in reality most relationships don’t happen that instantaneously.
But after reading every profile and filtering out all the creeps that try to strike up a conversation, and wondering if we will ever find him, there appears this good looking guy, whose profile reads as if you wrote it. Exactly what you were looking for. This guy spins a web painting himself as the perfect guy for you and reels you in then asks for money for some emergency that never happened.
He’s played on your emotions, lied to you, and then tries to steal from you. The only thing is, in the meantime he’s also played with your self-esteem and when the dust settles you’re left sitting in front of your computer screen wondering if scammers and creeps are the only ones that find you attractive because they’re the only ones that seem to contact you.
Again, the problem is – this is not all about you. It does come back to making sure you have the right frame of mind for online dating – or dating in any form – and making sure you have a healthy view of yourself. You don’t need someone’s approval or admiration or even affection to make you happy and feel as if your life has purpose.
At the risk of adding another battering ram to your self-esteem at this point, the reality is he didn’t choose your profile because you were beautiful or wonderful or had exactly what he wanted in a woman. He chose you simply because you were there. It hurts to think that we were – for a time – important and valuable and worthy to someone, and then dropped like a hot potato. But it really isn’t anything personal or against anything about you. He didn't value you at all - except for the prospect of filling his pocketbook.
So that begs another question: why would you let your self-worth and self-esteem be determined by someone who makes a living out of scamming other people? They’re opinion of you shouldn’t matter one iota. So don’t let this experience make you doubt yourself. You’re much better than that. You deserve better than that. You are beautiful. You are pretty. You do have qualities that a nice man will find attractive. It may not happen overnight in the blink of an eye.
Take a couple of days to lick your wounds, but do not let the bad ones dictate whom they have made you to be – a victim and not worthy of true love. You are worthy and you can get back at those who continue to work to make victims out of other women by reporting these guys and getting their accounts shut down. But your ultimate victory is dedicating all your positive energies toward finding the right man and not giving anymore attention to the lies that no one out there will love you for who you are – because that’s what it is, a lie.