Planning a funeral can be a heart-wrenching task for family members who have to balance wanting only the best for their loved one with legitimate financial concerns. You can help your family at this difficult time by letting them know in writing what would be important to you as they plan your memorial.
Things you want them to know
Even though it may be hard to thinking about dying, it may be surprisingly easy to think of things you would like to say to those who are left behind. Whether or not you have mentioned your loved ones in your will, you can also leave a personal message for those who are important to you.
• Tell them that you love them
• Tell them you are sorry
• Tell them you forgive them
• Tell them how they blessed or benefited your life
Things you would like them to do
You cannot control what other people think or feel, but you can make requests of them to help them adjust to your passing. You can also make requests or provide information to help them carry out your final wishes.
• Ask them to remember happy times with you, not the days when you were sick
• Ask them to respect your wishes, even if they don’t agree
• Ask them to get help or counseling if they need it
• Ask them to enjoy life and be at peace with each other
• Ask them to let important people in your life know when your life is over. Provide a list of names and addresses if possible.
Your final rest
Many people chose to make their own funeral and burial arrangements to save their families from the burden of making these decisions. If you have done this, make sure the details are all together in an easy-to-find location, and make sure your family knows where to look for this information. If you have not made your own plans, let your family know your preferences:
• Let your family know whether you prefer to be buried or cremated. This is one of the most basic decisions that must be made and it is also one of the most personal. Burial requires the purchase of a coffin and a plot in a cemetery. Cremation means burning the body so that only ashes remain. The ashes are collected and placed in a container or urn which is given to the family. Cremation is less expensive than burial, but not all people are comfortable with the process of cremation.
• If you choose to be buried, let your family know if you have any specific wishes regarding a casket. Caskets can be made of metal or wood and come in many varieties and price ranges. A casket can be purchased from the funeral home. Some discount retailers such as Costco also sell caskets. Let your family know if a lower priced, “Costco casket” would be offensive to you or if you would prefer this more budget-friendly option.
• If you chose to be buried, let your family know where you would like to be buried, if you have a preference. The choice may be as specific as a family plot in a particular cemetery or may be as simple as specifying the city or state.
• If you chose to be cremated, let your family know what you would like to have done with your ashes. Some people request that the urn be opened and their ashes be scattered in a favorite place. Your family will need to verify that state law allows for this. Others want to be laid to rest in the cemetery with a spouse or loved ones but chose cremation to save their families the expense of a coffin and full burial.
• Think about what you feel is most important for people to know about your life. These are the things you would like to have mentioned in your obituary. Be sure to include your date and place of birth, and maiden name if appropriate. Don’t assume that your family will remember all the details of your life when they are grieving.
• If it is important to you that your family works with a particular funeral home, let them know about your preference.
• If you want to leave special instructions for your funeral, write them down and make sure your family as well as your minister or other spiritual leaders have copies. You may include favorite bible passages or portions of other writings or poems that you would like to have read at your memorial service. You can also specify any special songs or music you would like to have included in the service.
• If you are entitled to military honors at the time of your death, make sure your family is aware of this. Provide the necessary information for them to access your service records if needed.
• Specify whether you prefer people to send flowers for your funeral or if you would like tribute gifts to go to a particular charity or organization.
If thinking about these details for the end of your own life is difficult, try thinking about it from the perspective of your family. Providing this information about your final wishes is one last gift you can give to help your family in their time of grief.
Sources:
Funeralplan.com
Aging with Dignity