Don't believe the hype. Every year we fall for it and every year something crops up to ruin the fantasy. It's chillier, the temperature is plummeting and the hope, which springs eternal sometimes against our better judgement, that this year the holidays will be perfect almost to the point of healing everything that's gone before, grows once more.
But rather than indulge in said wistfulness and without crossing the line into bitterness or cynicism, there are some very real steps you can take to put yourself in a position of strength when it comes to celebrating Thanksgiving this year. The following are my Top Ten Techniques for truly enjoying the holiday and spending Friday at peace instead of on the phone apologizing or curled up in bed so depressed and angry you would practically rather be at work.
1 - Listen more than you speak. I know this sounds a bit Zen but, truth be told, it's easy for all of us to fall into the blabber mouth trap with our nearest and dearest, especially if its been awhile since we've all gotten together. A sweet conversation about Aunt Melanie can turn into a burning tirade about the money her husband still owes you in about thirty seconds. By all means, be yourself and let your guard down around your loved ones but keep the editor function on duty and enjoy what people are saying without always feeling the need to put in your two, or two thousand, cents.
2 - Limit alcohol. If possible, don't drink at all! Many of us are still delusional enough to believe that since it's "THE HOLIDAYS" we can drink as much as we want and still drive a car load of kids home. Think again. The roads are full of people thinking the very same thing so why risk it? Loving your friends and family sober is a great experience and could help with close relationships more than you realize. If you do indulge, limit it to two drinks and give youself time to digest and rest before traveling again. Also, too much alcohol will put that editor right to sleep and then there's just no telling who or what you will be spouting on about next.
3 - Use some of the day just to relax and reflect. If you are alone over Thanksgiving, it's all right. Using that day for peaceful reflection, observing what's been happening in your life and what you're grateful for is a true testament to your ability to grow and deepen your life. If you're surrounded by family, sometimes the noise of people, the business of getting ready and exhaustion of cooking, serving, cleaning and traveling can leave you breathless. Take at least part of the day to jump out of the productivity and into a place of reflective musing.
4 - Take time to have a thoughtful conversation with someone you don't usually talk to. Sometimes at family events we end up circling back around and around to comfort zone. Break out this year and take some time to get to know a friend or relative you don't normally talk to for very long. It will enrich both of you.
5 - Make at least one vegetarian dish. Thanksgiving is so MEAT centered with the enormous bird in the middle - vegetarians and vegans sometimes really lament this aspect of the holiday and feel simultaneously left out and confused about what to eat. Whether you're hosting or just attending, whipping up a filling and nutritional vegetarian option is appreciated and good for everyone.
6 - Taste dessert - Just because you're on a health track doesn't mean you can't have ANY dessert - but it doesn't mean you should have a pecan pie black-out, either. By TASTE, I really mean TASTE - have a small plate at dessert time with a little sampling of everything. It will stop you from feeling deprived and won't cost you too many calories.
7 - Volunteer. Okay, some of us do this daily - some send a check; but whatever you do, don't let the day go by without some sort of outreach to those in need. You can take 45 minutes on Thanksgiving Day to donate to a shelter or drop off supplies at a soup kitchen.
8 - Clean your house. It doesn't have to be spotless (unless you have a mother-in-law or two coming over) but it should be swept, picked up, dishes and laundry done. I say this even if you're not having company. NOT having company and still cleaning up, but Why, you ask, why? The reason is, cleaning your house prior to the big dinner will leave you blissfully relaxed when it is all over. Whether you're sleeping off the meal you ate or recovering from the meal you cooked, chilling in the aftermath in clean surroundings will put a smile on your face for the whole holiday weekend.
9 - Call distant relatives. It only takes a little while. Reach out, say Happy Thanksgiving, hear about their lives, and then call another! People really do miss family connections around this time and reaching out can make someone's day.
10 - Vow not to complain. After all, this is a holiday about gratitude, not entitlement. Compliment everything from the turkey to the tofu salad, the new haircut and the floral sweater. Love yourself and your kin and end the day with a sleepy grin.
Aimee Boyle is very much looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. She is a regular contributor to EmpowHER.