This article was co-written with pediatrician Dr. Diana Cutts, an expert on all things medically- and mother-related.
For the sake of length, I have chosen to split this topic into two editions – the five issues in this article will deal more with the assumptions about how your life will change after giving birth, and how you will feel mentally/emotionally about dealing with a newborn. The second article will refer more to misinformation about physical and physiological changes.
Myth #1: You can wait to find a doctor for your baby until after he/she is born.
Rebuttal: You should begin to find a care provider while you are still pregnant, as it will allow you to access ongoing care for both you and your newborn. Most practices will allow you a free prenatal visit where you can get acquainted, become comfortable and establish a relationship with the physician and office staff. Beginning your search early will help you to find a practice that is geographically convenient in addition to promoting care policies and philosophies that you agree with. Ask your friends for their recommendations.
Note--beginning in 2014, under the new Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, all prenatal and newborn care will be covered by all new individual and small employer insurance plans.
Myth #2: You can “play it by ear” and figure out how to balance your work and caring for your baby after he/she is born.
Rebuttal: Just like finding a doctor, it is important to anticipate these issues early in order to reduce stress on all involved parties. Start by asking about your employer’s maternity leave policy, as this will help to indicate the level of support and flexibility your workplace supplies to new mothers.
Do research on your childcare options as soon as possible. Because there are so many possibilities to choose from (which generally fall under the categories of childcare centers or in-home care) you will want to visit each of your potential caregivers to make sure they meet your requirements, fit your child’s style and temperament and allow you to feel safe and comfortable leaving your child.
Infant care is expensive. Visit the Child Care Resource and Referral Agency at http://www.childcareaware.org/en/tools/decision_making_tool/ to weigh your options and see if you qualify for subsidized payments.
Myth #3: You will be able to accomplish many things you have been meaning to do for years while your baby sleeps.
Rebuttal: Despite the common belief that infants sleep long enough hours to allow you to finish your PhD dissertation, re-organize/re-decorate your house, re-commit to your long-standing plan to become a published poet, etc., this is generally not true. When your baby is sleeping (mostly in 3-hour increments at best) you will be also. If you aren’t – this is a mistake. Not only will you not have time to complete lofty goals, you will barely remember to eat a bowl of cereal before 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Myth #4: After having your baby, you will feel blissful, grateful and content all the time.
Rebuttal: Many new mothers experience feelings of intense sadness, irritability, inexplicable crying, anxiety, and low self-esteem--among other things--in the days following delivery (ACOG, 1995). This is commonly known as “baby blues” and can be considered a normal side-effect of hormone fluctuations, life transitions and sleep deprivation.
However, they can also be an indication of postpartum depression, a more intensified version of the symptoms mentioned above that can materialize between a few days and a few months after giving birth. Roughly 10 percent of pregnancies result in PPD (ACOG), but it is very treatable.
If you are experiencing these feelings, ask for support! Talk to your partner, your friends, your provider - it is not your fault! You and your baby deserve whatever care is necessary to overcome PPD.
Myth #5: Your baby’s temperament will be controllable or moldable.
Rebuttal: Each child comes already set with a personality. You will not be able to influence or change the way an infant behaves completely through your own will or “nurturing”. You must accept your child for who he/she already is. Whether this means your new baby screams for all of his/her waking hours, will only eat in a dark room, or prefers to watch everyone and everything rather than engaging in any cooing and ahh-ing – this is completely normal! Enjoy it. Get to know and appreciate your baby for who he or she is, not who you thought he or she might be.