According to a survey by CESI Debt Solutions, 80 percent of husbands and wives spent money over the last year without telling their spouses.
Hiding purchases from a loved one can signal the beginning of the end, explains Gail Saltz, psychiatrist and relationship expert. "Lying to your partner about money is basically a kind of betrayal and diminishes the trust between you. Loss of trust usually ends a marriage,ʺ said Saltz in an interview with the Today Show. "Financial infidelity can be as bad as sexual infidelity in terms of the hurt and destruction it causes."
Other survey results revealed:
• 18.5 percent of married people have credit cards their spouses do not know about
• 38 percent of married couples fear revealing secret spending would lead to separation
Here is a breakdown of the secret purchases:
Clothing 34.5 percent
Food/Dining 24 percent
Personal Care 19.5 percent
Entertainment 9 percent
Gifts 16.5 percent
Alcohol 13 percent
Childcare 8.5 percent
Clothing seems to be the major secret purchase for women.
When asked why the spending was kept secret, more than 60 percent responded it was to avoid problems at home.
• 19.9 percent are concern it would end the relationship
• 43 percent said they wanted to avoid an argument
• 46 percent are currently paying off the debt and he/she doesn’t need to know
• 11 percent are planning to tell spouse, but not ready yet
• 27 percent will never tell spouse about their spending
Also, experts say that little green lies do have the potential to damage your finances and your relationship. You're arguing about a clash of values.
According to money expert, David Bach, there are some things you can do if you are plagued by secret spending, covert credit cards and hidden bills. Here are some helpful tips from Bach:
• Both spouses should have an active role in family finances. This includes setting goals, a plan, paying bills and deciding how to spend the rest. Consider creating a separate pot and deciding how each of you can spend it.
• Get help from a therapist or a compassionate finance advisor who can help put a spending plan in place.
• As a couple, you need to be a financial team. When you're working on a team, you're coming together.
• Sit down once a month and say let's not fight about what we spend, let's look at how we can make progress and shrink our debt. If you are shrinking debt, you are making progress.
Couples are afraid of being broke and want financial security. The first step to financial success is to come clean and be honest. It is time to move past financial mistakes and take responsibility for your financial infidelity.
Sources:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/40794684/ns/today-money/
http://money.cnn.com/2010/12/03/pf/secret_spending_revealed.moneymag/
http://www.cesidebtsolutions.org/downloads/marriageanddebt.pdf