You wake up every morning and scram to shower, dress, grab some coffee and race out to the car. You kiss your spouse goodbye and tell him to have a good day. You leave him and rush to work - where another husband is waiting for you. A different kind of husband.
I’ve been hearing about work spouses for a while. As a freelancer, I don’t have this kind of relationship but I never did when in a traditional workplace either. Getting though the “office job” as a means to go through college lessened my interest in having a work husband, although I did have great fun with co-workers – of either sex.
Work "spouses" are close, professional and personal relationships that people have with a member of the opposite sex via their employment. While the relationship is definitely professional, a friendship is struck up with personal information and stories exchanged, lunches eaten together and even some after-work socialization.
Many people thrive on these relationships. They work well with their work “spouse” and also have a built-in ally. Obviously, a work spouse is platonic.
A survey of 640 white-collar workers done by Captivate Network, a digital-programming and advertising company in a Chelmsford, Mass., saw that about two-thirds of workers said they have or have had a work spouse. With longer hours spent at work, and even weekends creeping into the work week, a work wife or husband can be inevitable to some. In fact, some workers say that a third party like a work spouse can give a good perspective on careers, life and even marriage. These relationships can be the difference between a positive attitude toward one’s job, rather than getting through the week while hating the daily grind.
It’s important to note there need to be healthy boundaries with these “spousal” relationships. They must maintain a platonic form-not always easy in the work place. Work spouses telling each other things they don’t tell their own real husbands and wives become conspirators and secret-keepers – not a good idea. Verbally referring to your work spouse as such (to others) is not a good idea either, and a potential insult to the real spouse. This doesn’t matter as much when one spouse is gay and one is straight but the potential is still there in that kind of relationship. While you may find this work relationship to be heaven-sent, remember that your spouse may not feel the same way. Don't joke about having two husbands in front of either (or in general) as these are the kinds of words that may be hurtful to your real spouse. Remember that who you come home to is the most important person of your life. Work spouses can come and go, along with jobs. Your real spouse is forever – or at least that’s the goal.
Keep evening and weekend socialization very limited with your work spouse. Happy hours, parties and alcohol along with a work spouse can spell trouble. If you start feeling a spark for your work spouse, end the friendship. Don’t hide your work husband from your real husband. Work place harassment charges and work place jealousies are also a potential, particularly if your friendship ends or your spouse is your professional superior (or vice versa).
Many people find life-long relationships via their careers. We spend so much time at work, it’s hard not to personally connect with co-workers. These friendships can endure changing careers and changed life statuses. And as long as boundaries are in place, and real spouses always remain at the top of the chain, a work spouse can not only make your work days better, they can enrich and enhance your life.
Tell Us
Do you have a work spouse? Does your husband (or wife) have one? How does it work for you?