5 months ago this guy was my dream partner. He is 29 I am 28 (11 months apart) We are both are artist and tech types who enjoy working on side projects, watching movies, listening to music, playing video games, and are very driven individuals with a sense of identity. We may not share the exact taste in music/movies/etc but we can talk about these things and open up to trying new ones.
First red flag was when he wanted to label our relationship boyfriend/girlfriend very early on. I don't suspect him of cheating or lying to me and was weary of this but since we weren't living together and I felt the same, I went in head over heels.
Over the past month or so I've become increasingly aware of the distance between us. I feel like he is emotionally unavailable and the conversation ALWAYS ends up being about him, or it starts and ends that way without allowing me a word in edge-wise. I get a few token, "what did you want to do?" or "what would you like to watch?" but if it is something that he isn't into he will say, "I'll pass." or he will complain or find some reason why he wants to watch or do something else. Lately our only dates have been to the movie theater DURING THE DAY because he likes to "avoid the crowd". We usually have some errands for him that we run like going to the pet store or Best Buy to look at movies/games. All this was fine with me since I wanted to be cool and go with the flow and enjoy movies and games as much as he does. What makes it difficult is the way he has his set way of what we do and if I suggest say, going to dinner with another couple or out to see some live music he says he doesn't want to or he has to work.
He is inconsiderate and I am the opposite. I pick up on things he says he likes/wants and I will try to make it happen but him, it's like I'm not even on his mind. He suggested getting me a key for his place to make it easier on me to stay the night. I made him one a week or so later and gave it to him, he never gave me one. I even reminded him on several occasions and nothing.
The other issue I have is that in the 5 months we've been dating he has only slept over at my house in my bed a few times. The other times he comes to my house is just for a couple of hours and even that is only a handful of times.
I've tried evening the playing field by not coming over and spending the night but we work out (at his house of course) and we began having sex before/during/after workout and I would leave and go home. That made me feel less close and like I was losing myself and being there for his convenience. I tried bringing this up to him several times, each time started a massive blowout with him repeating that he doesn't keep me from doing anything. All I want is for him to take an interest or at least TRY to do some things that I like or come into MY space to let me feel like he is interested. He claims that he is a great guy and not doing anything wrong but refuses to discuss emotion and gets defensive if he has to look at himself it seems. Anything that disturbs his little universe will upset him to the point that we can't even talk. It has gotten really bad face-to-face and now we hardly see each other anymore. Once per week I stay the night, we go to the movies and run errands. The rest of the time I hardly get texts and we NEVER talk on the phone. He will IM me through GChat about superficial topics.
I feel so alone and I've done a lot of reading and part of me just wants to run as fast as I can but the other part still sees the person I fell in love with and hopes that communication can solve this or something. I just need some perspective as I've been losing sleep for weeks.
Thank you,