After turning 40, I stepped from the shadows of alcoholism and anorexia and into a life of peaceful, contented recovered living.
What began at the age of 12 and culminated by finding recovery later in life, my story is about what I needed to do, did, and am doing to free myself from the chains of a wine bottle and a scale. It reveals the truths about living with, and overcoming, co-occurring addictions; alcoholism and anorexia.
My story is not about being a victim of my childhood, rather it’s about perception. It's about how I perceived life before, during and after asking for help. While chemical dependency and eating disorders require rather different recovery pathways, the genesis of each individual recovery are remarkably the same.
It’s not about the alcohol and it’s not about the food. It’s about perception. How I perceived what was happening around me and, at the same time, how I wanted to escape. I escaped by way of an alcoholic blur or by manipulating my body to a point of non-existence.
There isn’t anything from my past that I’m truly ashamed of because the woman who made my life choices before recovery doesn’t exist anymore. The woman I am today is contentedly peaceful. How I got here, and stay here, is the gift I continue giving myself.
My story is about self-discovery, hope, and fighting for your life regardless of what other people think, say, insinuate, etc. It is about finding the strength I never thought I had, and finding the courage to keep going even when everything inside me said, “Go back. This is too hard. You were much safer living life the way you used to.”
The truth is, everyone who struggles with addiction has incredible courage and strength. We simply don’t know it, or for that matter believe it’s possible when held tightly by the chains of addiction.
I thank God I found it within me.