Life can be disappointing at times, and during those difficult periods it can be an effort to remain positive and find the beauty in life. In fact, it can be much easier to complain and dwell on the negativity that appears to be surrounding us.
However, most people also know that focusing on the negative aspects of life is not healthy, and eventually can decrease overall quality of life.
So what can you do if you tend to be pessimistic, expect the worst outcome and engage in behaviors like constantly gossiping, complaining, moping, pointing out flaws and errors?
Experts have some suggestions for finding your inner optimist.
Curtis Kessinger, the founder of Success Minded Coaching and author of “The Ultimate You: Achieving Greatness,” explains the main characteristics of pessimists, and suggests that it’s not always easy to find out if you’re a pessimist or optimist, and then make a decision to change or stay the same.
“Pessimists see the problem rather than seeing a possible solution,” Kessinger said in an email. “It is tough for most people to see themselves the way they truly are. Everyone has flaws that everyone else can see from a mile away.”
He has some suggestions for how you can overcome a pessimistic outlook on life.
“Becoming aware of how they think is huge in changing,” Kessinger said. “They must use reminders, self-suggestion to overcome it. Planning their daily life is the best way to make the change. Success is actually very simple once they know it's a choice.”
It is worth it to make the change. Optimists are happier and tend to have better mental and overall health.
“Living a happy and fulfilled life is the difference,” Kessinger said. “Optimists live happy on a daily basis. Happiness cannot be bought.”
If you choose to remain pessimistic, your health can eventually suffer.
“Seeing the ugly side of life leads to stress and depression and often leads to serious illness,” Kessinger said. “The mind and body are connected as one system. One impacts the other.”
Even if you are deeply pessimistic, there is still hope for you. Kessinger believes people can make a major change in themselves if they put their minds to it.
“It all comes down to being aware of who they are and what they want and going after it,” he said. “The daily pursuit brings a new life ... instantly.”
PJ Ferguson, a “monkey mind coach” at MeditatingMonkeys.com, a life and business coach at TheSupreme.Me, and author of books such as “How to Love Yourself: A Guide to Loving and Living Well,” explains in an email the main differences between optimists and pessimists.
Optimists: “Optimists have a positive outlook on life and see the good in others. They expect that no matter what happens something good will come of it. People tend to gravitate toward true optimists. Their attitude is 'Hope for the best, prepare for anything.’”
Pessimists: “A pessimist is someone who has a negative outlook on life and the world. They expect the worst outcome of any situation, or at least dissatisfactory results. Pessimists' attitudes are considered unsavory or poisonous by most people. Their attitude is 'Expect the worst, prepare for the worst.'”
Pessimists and optimists eventually realize which category they fall into.
“Optimists usually know themselves to be optimists, whereas pessimists usually think of themselves as 'realists,’” Ferguson said. “Few people like to accept that they have a negative outlook on life. Pessimists usually learn that they are a pessimist because others tell them so or react negatively.”
He said people can learn to be more optimistic, but that optimists can also unfortunately become pessimistic. It’s all about habit and beliefs.
“Pessimism can lead to depression, boredom and loneliness,” Ferguson said. “These can lead to poor physical health and create a cycle of struggle that perpetuates itself. Optimists tend to enjoy higher levels of energy and personal satisfaction. They tend to be more active and engaged in life and community.”
Just because you feel a little pessimistic one day, this doesn’t mean you aren’t an optimist in general.
“No one ever feels 100 percent,” Ferguson said. “That's not the point of true optimism. True optimists don't ignore the struggles of life, but they focus on the solutions that pessimists tend to ignore.”
Here are Ferguson’s tips for heading on the journey toward optimism:
1) “Accept that your attitude is your choice, and your responsibility.”
2) “Accept that you can change your attitude by making the decision to. These things take practice if you are used to letting outside circumstances control your mood, or you usually expect a negative outcome.”
3) “Accept that there is positive in any given situation. You will start to see new possibilities and opportunities that were never there before.”
4) “Take action! Knock on the doors of possibility and walk through. New and wonderful things will start to happen that you always hoped would happen but believed were too good to be true. If you thought ‘seeing is believing,’ you now understand that ‘believing is seeing.’”
5) “If you would like to become an optimist, you need only believe that there is more good in life than you're used to seeing. Believe that there is good in everyone, and that that goodness is only a word or kind action away.”
Ferguson suggests keeping a journal in order to track positive situations and thoughts that occur during the day, and when life gets rough, people can pull out their journal and remember all the positivity they’ve experienced.
Here are two specific exercises from Ferguson that people can engage in to practice being optimistic:
1) “Point out the positive. Keep a journal. Look around you. Start pointing out the positive that you are surrounded by. This may be difficult, but if you have to start by pointing out that there is air for you to breathe, do it. Next, make note of the things you complain about. As soon as you start complaining in thought or word, STOP, and start pointing out the positive.”
2) “Be grateful. What do you have to be grateful for? If your kids are being noisy, be grateful you have kids (what a blessing!). If your job is difficult, be grateful you have a job (what a blessing!). Keep a journal of these things. If you are having a difficult day, pull out your positivity/gratitude journal. Read it. Add to it. Practice, practice, practice.”
Diane Lang, a therapist and author of “Creating Balance and Finding Happiness,” was trained in positive psychology and specializes in optimism and resilience. She believes people can be as happy as they desire, because happiness is a choice.
She suggests people do “have a genetic happiness set point,” but they can still make changes in their lives to be more positive.
“If you’re constantly [pessimistic], you will have emotional and physical effects on your life,” Lang said in an email.
“You can get signs like changes in eating habits or changes in sleeping habits, low immune system, depression, aches/pains, headaches, stomach problems, etc. This can lead to psychosomatic illness and can even lead to burnout.”
“Another thing to remember is moods/emotions are contagious,” Lang added. “So if we are surrounded by negative people, it can affect your mood and bring you down.”
She has several tips for being more optimistic, including tapping into creativity and trying new experiences in life, engaging in life-long learning beyond a classroom or job (such as through talking to other people, keeping up with current events and reading).
Lang also recommends being persistent and patient when it comes to changing your outlook on life, building a strong support system, helping others, becoming self-aware.
She strongly encourages smiling and laughing often, showing gratitude to others, taking care of yourself, having a higher power (religion or just a sense of purpose or "something more to life"), having a work-life balance and choosing a job you’re passionate about.
Carol Patteron, a licensed mental health counselor, said in an email that if a person has depression, it can be more challenging to have an optimistic outlook on life, but it is possible, especially through treatments such as cognitive therapy.
“Cognitive therapy and its many offshoots recognizes that what a person believes about a situation affects how they feel and what actions they take to make things better,” Patterson said.
“We cannot always choose what situations we face, but we do have the power (and the right) to choose how we think about the things that life hands us.”
Here are a couple suggestions from Patterson on living more optimistically:
1) “Notice how often you think negative thoughts. When you recognize ‘That's a negative thought,’ ask yourself ‘What are other/more positive ways of looking at this?’”
2) “Think of a person that always looks on the bright side and ask yourself ‘What would (that person) think about this? How would (that person) react?’”
3) “In other words, choose to challenge yourself, talk back to yourself. Remind yourself that you can choose what to believe or think about the situation.”
4) “Use a journal to record your situation and promise yourself to keep writing until you find a positive way to look at the situation.”
5) “Putting up Post Its saying ‘Find the positive in the situation,’ or something similar like ‘Look on the bright side’ works for a lot of people.”
6) “Make a game out of finding the bright side of situations with your partner, friends or kids. It takes effort, but you can learn to become more optimistic.”
Sources:
Kessinger, Curtis. Email interview. May 30, 2012. http://www.successminded.com/Welcome.html
Ferguson, PJ. Email interview. May 30, 2012. http://meditatingmonkeys.com/meet-the-monkeys
Lang, Diane. Email interview. May 30, 2012. http://www.dlcounseling.com/bio.html
Patterson, Carol. Email interview. May 30, 2012.
Reviewed May 31, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith