For most people, Memorial Day is little more than the unofficial start of summer, but for military families, Memorial Day is a reminder of the profound sacrifices made by millions of men and women for their country.
While it’s common to see politicians and newscasters pause to honor fallen troops, the families of currently deployed troops are often forgotten. These families bear the brunt of their loved one’s deployment. Better services for military members, shorter deployments when possible, and frequent contact with family members can help to minimize some of the common effects of deployment on children and spouses.
Disrupted Attachments
Attachment is the normal process through which a parent bonds with his child. Attachment can occur at any time during development; for example, children adopted late in life typically grow attached to their adoptive parents. However, attachments are strongest when they are established in the first two years, and parental absence due to deployment can be extremely traumatic for children.
Children react in a variety of ways; they may long for their absent parent, or they may struggle with developing a loving bond with the parent. Children who have not properly bonded with a parent experience something called an attachment disorder, which can affect intelligence, future romantic relationships, mental health, and social development. Parents should encourage children to have frequent contact with deployed parents and should talk frequently about the absent parent to help prevent attachment problems.
Parental Stress
When a parent is deployed, the parent left behind temporarily becomes a single parent. The loss of a supportive partner and the obligation to do everything oneself can be extraordinarily stressful, especially when coupled with fears about the deployed spouse’s safety.
Parental stress affects children in a number of ways. Babies frequently mirror their parents’ emotions and may be chronically stressed when a parent frequently exhibits symptoms of stress. Stress is especially damaging during pregnancy. Older children often pick up on their parents’ stress and mistakenly believe that they are its cause; they may feel responsible for caring for their parents or may act out at school. Parents with deployed spouses should establish healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and get help from friends and family wherever possible.
Disrupted Schedules
Children — especially very young children — thrive on routine and schedules. When a parent is deployed, the child’s routine is by definition disrupted. Parents often have to rely on daycare, additional caregivers, and overtime at work during a deployment, adding to the disruption.
Because deployments are stressful to begin with, this alteration in routine can be especially challenging for children and may result in more tantrums, behavioral regressions, and trouble at school. While not always possible, parents should try to preserve as much of the child’s normal schedule as they can.
Posttraumatic Stress
Most people know that veterans frequently experience a host of trauma-related symptoms involving anxiety and depression and commonly referred to as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). But their children can suffer from PTSD too.
Early symptoms of PTSD in children often include behavioral problems, frequent crying, and nightmares. Children living in a stressful environment, very young children, and highly sensitive children may be more prone to developing PTSD than other children. Parents who notice signs of PTSD in their children should seek help from a qualified mental health professional as soon as possible. PTSD can be treated but tends to get worse without treatment.
Sources:
Lincoln, A., Swift, E., Shorteno-Fraser, M. (2008). Psychological adjustment and treatment of children and families with parents deployed in military combat. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 64, 984-992.
Tanielin, T., Jaycox, L., Eds. (2008). Invisible wounds of war: Psychological and cognitive injuries, their consequences, and services to assist recovery. Santa Monica, CA: RAND.
Edited by Jody Smith