Unfortunately, busy lives can take a toll on a couple’s sex life.
But many couples are able to keep the passion alive even after several years together and with kids in the picture.
How? They schedule sex.
Anthony Smith, deputy director of the Australian Research Center in Sex, said in the New York Times, “just as couples set aside time for meals, work and family activities, they should schedule time for sex.”
In fact, ABC News wrote, of the sexually active respondents in a Consumer Reports poll, 45 percent reported planning a time to have sex with their partners.
Dr. Laura Berman told Oprah.com, “it feels unromantic at first [to schedule sex] because we have the misconception that sex is supposed to happen spontaneously, which it does in the beginning of the relationship when your dopamine centers of the brain are firing and everything's new and you can't get enough of each other. But that doesn't work in a long-term relationship. If you wait for it to happen spontaneously, you're going to be waiting forever."
According to ABC News, prioritizing intimacy and scheduling time together can be very important to the longevity and health of a relationship.
"For couples in long-term relationships, planning a romantic interlude leads to a higher-quality, more enjoyable sexual experience," Victoria Zdrok Wilson, JD, PhD, who co-wrote The 30-Day Sex Solution told WomensDay.com.
WomensDay.com continued, instead of thinking of calendar sex as unromantic, view it instead as a delicious form of foreplay. Send each other anticipatory texts, plan what you’ll wear (or not), and so on.
Scheduling sex can also help if one partner typically wants sex more often than the other. AARP.com wrote that differences in desire are one of the main reasons couples consult sex therapists.
To resolve this, sex therapists often recommend scheduling sex dates.
Scheduled sex dates reassure the higher-desire partner that lovemaking will in fact take place. They reassure the lower-desire partner that it will occur only when scheduled.
Many are resistant to scheduling sex, said ABC News. Some proclaim pre-planned sex decreases the pleasure and excitement of a spontaneous romp.
Experts say it’s important to differentiate between sex that occurs spontaneously, and spontaneity and creativity during sex.
"One can schedule time but not demand anything," Dr. Eli Coleman, professor and director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School told ABC News.
"You're allowing the time for spontaneity to occur."
Couples with busy lives make time for what is crucial for survival, like work, sleep and food. Since sex is often crucial for survival of a relationship, they should consider scheduling time for it as well.
Sources:
Castleman, Michael. "How to Solve Sexual Desire Differences - Sex and Relationships - AARP." AARP - Health, Travel Deals, Baby Boomers, Election News, Over 50, Online Games, Retirement Plan. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-06-2012/steps-to-resolve-sexual-desire-differences.html
Chitale, Radha. "Many Couples Plan Ahead to Get It On - ABC News." ABCNews.com - Breaking News, Latest News & Top Video News - ABC News. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WellnessNews/couples-plan-ahead/story?id=6855000
Dr. Berman, Laura. "Your Best Sex Life - Date Night - Oprah.com." Oprah Winfrey's Official Website - Live Your Best Life - Oprah.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Make-Sex-a-Priority-Dr-Bermans-Best-Life-Sex-Tip
Nelson, Tammy. "The Key to Great Sex: Planning A Sex Date | Tammy Nelson | YourTango." YourTango | Smart Talk About Love. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/tammy-nelson/key-great-sex-planning-sex-date
Parker-Pope, Tara. "Sex and the Long-Term Relationship - NYTimes.com." Health and Wellness - Well Blog - NYTimes.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/22/sex-and-the-long-term-relationship/.
Schipani, Denise. "8 Secrets of Sexually Satisfied Couples." WomensDay.com. Hearst Communications, Inc., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/sex-tips/8-secrets-of-sexually-satisfied-couples-117094
Stritof, Sheri & Bob. "Scheduling Sex Works." Marriage -- Make your marriage a success. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 July 2012.
http://marriage.about.com/b/2011/09/20/scheduling-sex-works.htm
Reviewed July 12, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith