You have recently met via e-mail, over the phone or through a dating service. You liked each other even though you hadn’t met person to person yet. Several weeks later you are ready for the important first face-to-face meeting.
Most people are a little anxious, other are even worried as the first person to person encounter approaches. That is a completely natural reaction. Even self-assured men and women who profess to always be cool and smooth tend to be apprehensive and wonder if they will make the right impression. Everybody wonders if the other person will like them; their looks, their demeanors and personalities. Everybody hopes that there will be the right chemistry.
However, anxiety shouldn’t become so overwhelming that one or the other partner actually comes up with a lame excuse and pulls out days or hours before the date. Such behavior is self destructive and hurtful to the other party and won’t solve your issues. To get a chance to establish a loving relationship means coming to terms with your fears. Are you terrified of rejection? Do you have a history of commitment phobia? You may need the help of a counselor to solve your emotional knots before involving someone else.
Are you one of the singles professing to seek a committed relationship? Are you asking friends and acquaintances to help you find the one and only but always lose interest after the second date? Are you enjoying the mating dance but pull out at the ten yard line to avoid the touch-down? It’s time to come to terms with your inability to establish a relationship before involving others who are seriously looking to become involved.
When initial contacts are progressing, both partners then go through a learning phase. Both are willing to invest time and emotion to gage the possibility of a romance or a serious relationship. Often this “getting to know you” time is exhilarating, nourished by what we learn and embellished by our own fantasies. To avoid creating unrealistic expectations, it is important that both parties be truthful and expresses their intentions honestly. Listen to your partner carefully. Do your expectations match? As you exchange information about your past relationships, your career, financial picture, be factual, don’t embellish. The truth will come out sooner or later. Misinformation always leads to loss of trust which is what you’re trying to build. Don’t sabotage your chances by hiding some less than wonderful facts.
Everybody has made some mistakes. Hear your partner clearly and take it into consideration if his or her ambitions and objectives are compatible with yours.
When the big day arrives, both men and women want to look their best. What you wear is important. Most women have a favorite outfit. It fits right and looks great and makes them feel secure, feminine, or sexy and confident. That’s the outfit to wear. It’s best to go easy on make-up, perfume and jewelry. You smile should light up your face not your necklace.
For guys it is important to know that women appreciate if they make an effort to be nicely dressed. Showing up in a t-shirt or sloppy sweater gives the wrong signal. Most importantly of all is attitude. Meeting someone new is an adventure, a joyful event. Something you look forward to with great anticipation. Don’t over think it. Be yourself. Be in the moment! That’s the best way to connect and get to a happy next step.
Jacqui