My husband and I have been, happily, together for almost 10 years. Just this month we bought our first house and moved out of the tiny condo we had been renting. My husband enjoys sex, but not with any frequency. He has sex with me maybe 4-5 times a month, which I have just accepted over the years. I'm a once maybe even twice a day kind of girl and my husband knows it, teases me about it and jokes about it. It's not something he isn't aware of. Our sex, when we have it, is very good; I have never told him no (i.e. i have a headache, tired, whatever) and I'm always willing to try ANYTHING he wants to try.
In our new house he has an entire room all to himself. His own 'man cave' for his hobbies and music. A couple days ago as I was unpacking boxes in one room I found something that belonged in the man cave so I brought it into the room and caught him with his shorts down and he was hanging out...when he realized I had come into the room he quickly pulled his shorts back up and I just thought...ehhh must have a ball itch or something. No big deal and completely put it out of my mind.
This morning was different.
I work nights so I sleep during the day normally. He left his cell phone in the bedroom and it rang and woke me up so I picked it up and brought it down stairs to the man cave. Now, I'm also severely nearsighted and didn't bother putting my glasses on but I didn't need them to know what was going on when I walked in. There was porn on his monitor, his shorts were down, he was fondling himself and there was a sock on his desk. He had his earphones on and didn't hear me come in until I set his cell in front of him. Then he jumped and pulled his shorts on and said "Excuse me!" not like...i was in his face but more like... he was sorry...
I quickly left the room and crawled back in bed and just lay there expecting him to come and.... I don't know...Talk to me? Want to finish with me if NOTHING else?! But no. Nothing. I heard him calling back the person who had called and then he went out.
Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep for work tonight. It isn't even so much that I feel cheated ON as I feel CHEATED. I am always wanting and willing and I only get sex 4 times a month and he has the selfish nerve to have sex without me? I stopped attempting to initiate sex between us years ago because I was getting hurt from all the rejection. So I wait for him to initiate. Then he goes and initiates himself without me. Now, if it is about the porn, I may even be willing to watch some occasionally WITH HIM DURING OUR sex... if he talked with me about it if that was something he wanted. I'm so ANGRY right now and less hurt but I am hurt. Why do I only get satisfied 4 times a month and then he can satisfy himself in between?
I'm 8 years younger than him, I'm a good looking woman, in good shape, well groomed, I've got two degrees and I work hard. The angry part of me is thinking "Well if he is allowed to have sex without me, I should be able to find some guy out there who would be willing to satisfy me." That's just the anger talking, I don't WANT anyone else... I just want what is mine ...as often as I can get it. I'm scared to breach the topic with him. I won't probably see him for another day do to my work/sleep schedule and his work, but I'm not even sure how to talk to him about it without just flipping out.
Why not have sex with an open, willing and adventurous partner but instead watch some crappy porn on a tiny monitor? HELP.